WHAT IS A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP
Read Personality Disorders here, Post One.
Read: What a Response, Post Two, here.
I will admit that until recently, due to an unexpected exchange with a family member, I hadn’t explored personality issues outside of spiritual implications. I know there are many people who struggle with mental health that do not acknowledge the very real influence of demonic spirits.
But after my experience and the resulting shock and confusion, I did a deep dive into understanding family of origin relationships, sibling relationships, extended family and marriage relationships. Reading articles and watching videos produced by psychologists was helpful and informative.
Generally, in a healthy adult relationship all of us desire some common attributes. The following are traits in close personal relationships that lead to creating wholeness and to healthy relationships.
- Trust. We want to be trusted, and we need to have genuine trust in those in our various relationship circles.
- Truth. Which leads to honesty. We need to be known and fully accepted and want to know and accept others in our circle.
- Safety. We need to feel safe in our finances, our future, our dreams and goals. We need to feel safe sharing our good, bad and ugly. Safe to reveal our vulnerabilities.
- Respect. Respect as a person, a wife, husband, sibling, parent, child. Acknowledgement and valuing each other’s perspective, qualities and individuality with dignity and honor.
- Worth and belonging. Our deepest need is to KNOW we are loved, accepted, worthy of love and we belong.
- Leveling. Equal voice and respect in the relationship.
We enter into all relationships with an established personality that was created when we were preverbal. Our caregivers, who responded or didn’t, to our cries and needs really set the baseline of our expectations for love and care.
It really goes all the way back.
What I know is this. Even if your start was rough, the love of Jesus can recreate and establish a person into a personality of His traits. Love, patience, kindness goodness, compassion, empathy, etc.
When a child is nurtured with love, safety, comfort and kindness at a very young age, they tend to grow into well adjusted and emotionally regulated and stable adults. They are capable of engaging in rewarding and fulfilling long-term relationships with others.
So we will attempt over the next few weeks to pencil our what the Bible, the psychologist and we as a community think is a healthy emotional personality in adulty.
The first thing I think I learned on this discovery is that as children grow into adults, if they were nurtured and felt safe, they will move into adult relationships that are described as equaling. Meaning they leave behind any age differences (age hierarchy) or maturity differences. They stop viewing the oldest as something more or different. Or the youngest as baby of the family or spoiled.
My examples are generalizations. What I’m driving at is the sibling relationships tend to level out and become mutually supportive and trusting. From these sibling relationships (or not, if only child) we move into our adult relationships and our marriage relationship operating from our family of origin dynamics of understanding.
So, my question today for you is this. For those who have examined your family of origin, what are some of the dynamics you grew up with? How did your faith help to redefine or heal from the distortions or even unhealthy dynamics?
Please take a minute and comment. We need your wisdom. Can’t wait to meet you in the comments. Blessings and hugs, Lynn
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