Spiritually Unequal Marriage

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What do you Struggle With in your “Uniquely” Yoked Marriage?

Hi Everybody, Wondering if y’all could help me again…. You were awesome a week ago when you shared your thoughts in this post. I heart you!   I am thinking I…

Hi Everybody,
Wondering if y’all could help me again…. You were awesome a week ago when you shared your thoughts in this post. I heart you! 

Gold silver bands  I am thinking I have never written down the unique struggles that unequally yoked spouses face. So, I thought I would ask. This may be a tough assignment because many spiritual struggles manifest themselves in many ways in a marriage relationship. But, tell me what you think is a unique marriage struggle that is specific to your faith and your spouse’s unbelief. 

This is what comes to my mind off the bat.

Okay, let’s hear your thoughts on this and be real. 

We 'll take a look at some of these issues in the future and some awesome scripture the Lord has placed heavily on my mind of late. 

THANK YOU so very much for making SUM a place where we each help one another grow closer to Jesus and to honor Him through our marriages. I love you so very much. 

Be blessed, Lynn 

PS. I’m waiting for the Lord to lead me about our next series. Until He directs, watch for some randomness around here. *grin*….. and randomness can sometimes be really great. 

Have a great week. Write me if you need prayer covering. Hugs, Lynn

Comments

15 responses

  1. Anita M. Avatar
    Anita M.

    Lynn, immediately I think of: kids and money. Now, I know that every marriage has differences when it comes to kids and money but I am talking about the spiritual perspective of these responsibilities. How to raise the kids. When I feel something isn’t appropriate for the kids and the spouse says “What is wrong with it?” How to handle your money. Tithing, but also how to handle it on a daily basis. Our spouse may not understand that God said “no, don’t buy that” or God said to give something to this person/ministry.
    Also, church attendance. I have been very fortunate in this area. However, I was speaking to a dear sister recently and she was telling me how this subject will sometimes lead to an argument. You have spoken of it before….the spouse sees God and the church as taking away from “his/family time.”

    Reply
  2. Denise Avatar
    Denise

    Love and blessings to you.

    Reply
  3. Heather Avatar
    Heather

    Lynn,
    My head is spinning with thoughts that could be discussed here; even in equally yoked there are problems, I must remind myself of a lot – just because both spouses are Christians does not mean things will be easy.
    Anyway… back to my thoughts: kids, the way they’re to be raised & what to watch, etc; money, how & what it should be spent on; language – you hit a button there with me, the cussing that comes out of my own mouth because of spending too much time with his friends (unfortunately sometimes even with him)… NO – not his fault, my fault for allowing myself to fall into the clutches of unwholesome talk b/c I’m around too much. I need to be responsible for myself; how do you guard your heart here?
    What it means to spend family time together… have family devotion – I’m thanking God right now for this one. A new thing we’ve been trying right after dinner is to read some of James and share our thoughts & prayer requests as encouraged & challenged by our Pastor – – – my dear hubby is quietly attending, even sharing his thoughts from time to time & keeping the eye rolling to a minimum. WHOOT! But, it’s hard, I don’t want to push; but the kids need to see this is important to me and my hubby support it. I had to cut back a lot of my time that I give to church, b/c it was taking away from time with him or even what he thought was enough time for me at home – spending on housework, or just being here. Ugh… I think I must stop here – I’m bring myself down.
    I could go on & on.
    Hugs, HL

    Reply
  4. Lynn Avatar
    Lynn

    Heather,
    Thank you so much for taking time and helping me.
    You are right these are difficult and specific
    issues. It appears all of us struggle with the
    raising of children. I feel compelled to pray over
    this and talk about it in the future.
    Love you girl. Thanks again. Cling to our Jesus
    and I pray your week is awesome. Hugs, Lynn

    Reply
  5. Lynn Avatar
    Lynn

    Anita,
    Girl, I hadn't thought about the money thing. Boy,
    that is a big one. The raising of kids is a big
    one.
    I've been praying for you. Give me an update.
    Hugs, Lynn

    Reply
  6. Cindi Avatar
    Cindi

    Lynn, The fact that there is a great possibility that my husband will go to hell and not heaven. The fact that I have not a human spiritual leader in the household. The man is suppose to be that leader so I stuggle with that. I rely on the Holy Spirit but would be much easier having him be that human leader since that is supposedly his job. Feeling alone and isolated sometimes by not having that leader. Being alone in church. Not being able to share spiritually what God has done in our lives together. Not praying together. Not reading the Bible together. Having to wait for him to leave before I can pray or study or worship etc… that causes a tension. I want to share my joy and I can’t. Media programs (he’s pretty good about that however). The drinking binges with his friends. It’s always at our house. I agree with Heather, it starts to bring ya down. Ahhgg.
    P.S. These are some of the issues I have been dealing with in the class I am teaching “Uniquely Yoked”. Swearing, time spent at church things as opposed to with husbands, child rearing issues, how much are we suppose to take before it becomes abuse? Things such as this have come up. “Beloved Unbeliever” has some good points.
    I know that being in the Word constantly and obeying God is the only answer to all these issues. He is faithful! Love you..looking so forward to your book!

    Reply
  7. DeeDee Avatar
    DeeDee

    One of my struggles is that we do not even agree about character issues. I think telling half/truths, that purposely mislead or imply something that is not true is lying. My husband told me, (and I wrote it down because I couldn’t believe it) that a deception is not a lie if any part of it is true! He struggles with a gambling addiction but becaues he always “went” to the place he said he was going to, before or after the casino, it was not lying. Sighhhh. He feels no remorse. I am struggling with trust and often wonder if I am hearing a partial truth, a half/truth or an outright lie. It is the same with moral purity. He chooses to watch movies and television that glorify extra-marital sex, and often I find him reading novels that have violence against women and are very violent over all. I want to tell him to set no impure thing before his eyes but that is my value and he sees nothing wrong with looking.
    Just recently I have discovered that I have the authority and power to pray against the demons of lust and greed that he has invited into our home. I have been told most of my life that the husband is the protector of his wife and if your husband is not “covering” you, you are vulnerable to attacks from Satan. What a heavy burden to put on a young wife! This is not true at all! In Christ there is no slave/free, male/female, Jew/Greek. We all have equal power and authority because of the shed blood of Jesus Christ. I can’t tell you how much this has liberated me. Every morning I pray for my husband and ask the Lord to draw him from deep within the very camp of the enemy. With the authority of the name of the Lord Jesus, I claim his deliverance from the power and persuasion of the Evil One and from the lust of the flesh and the love of the world. I pray that God will bring him to a point of repentance and that one day he will listen and believe as he hears or reads the word of God! I no longer have to think that I am missing out because my husband does not protect me because Jesus protects me and the Holy Spirit teaches me how to pray and intercedes for me. I do so miss the spiritual intimacy that comes with having a believing spouse but it really is true, that if we will make our relationship with Christ the central part of every day He will”keep us under the shadow of his wing.”

    Reply
  8. Tisha Avatar
    Tisha

    Hi Lynn,
    Issues I have dealt with are:
    church activities: such as “singing in the choir”. If my husband doesn’t attend, I will have to seat my daughter with someone in the congregation or just not sing at all.
    prayer time: during difficult times when a family member or friend needs a prayer, my husband relies on me for that and will even let me know that someone needs prayer. Oh how I pray that someday he will join me!
    tithing: Our money is just that–OUR money. We don’t separate our paychecks or bills into different accounts. It all goes together and I always tithe 10 percent from my earnings. I think my husband feels this is wasteful.
    child rearing: I am a firm believer in scripture memorization and my 6-year-old has done a great job of putting eight verses to memory, but once again my husband feels this is a waste of time.
    Oh well, I will never give up on the Lord’s saving grace for my precious husband.
    Much love,
    Tisha

    Reply
  9. Ashley Taylor Avatar
    Ashley Taylor

    There are a few things that I deal with on a regular basis. One of them is not being able to pray with my husband. I would really like for both of us to get on our knees before God together. I long for that. Another thing is different morals. There are some things that I believe are morally wrong that he just doesn’t get. Of course I have realized he does not have the mind of Christ since he is not Christian and that is why he doesn’t get it. It’s still hard though. And another one that I struggle with is submitting to and being a helpmate to a man who hates God. Not that he’s ever asked me to do or not do something that goes against my beliefs. It’s just hard for me.

    Reply
  10. K Avatar
    K

    As a couple without children, some of the things I deal with right now are music/worship – listening to Christian music at home or on the radio. So far my husband hasn’t complained and sometimes he even likes the music, but I am always trying to pick the stuff I think he wouldn’t mind rather than the songs that are on my heart… Also, friends. He told me once that he didn’t care if I went to church or made friends from church, but his biggest worry was that my new Christian friends would judge HIM. That made me really sad – his only adult experience with “Christians” has been judgment and that is what would prevent him from wanting to hang out with them again. So, when I hang out with my Christian friends, I try to not talk God stuff with them, which can be hard sometimes.

    Reply
  11. Holly Avatar
    Holly

    I’m divorced by can say what I did deal with were church attendance, tithing, discipline of the children. My husband resented the fact that I tithed 10% and used it as a financial arguement. He also believed in half truths… If a portion of what he was telling me was true then he wasn’t guilty of lying. I have a dear friend that is married to an alcoholic and unsaved man that struggles with verbal abuse, horrible comments about her being a hypocrite if she does get upset at his drinking…… many of the same issues you ladies have mentioned… But I agree… We have a Savior that we can run to and knows our every need…………..

    Reply
  12. Heather Avatar
    Heather

    Wow! I think about this often, Lynn. I agree with much of what has been posted here. Our specific issues include:
    * language (Lord’s name, cussing, potty humor) in the house and around the children)
    * church attendance – sometimes he puts the gym ahead of church and the children see/know this
    * prayer – we kneel down for nightly prayer and he rarely participates
    * his views on modesty – he thinks it’s foolish to shield the children (DS-8 & DD-6) from immodest dress and inappropriate TV/movies; for example the Deal or No Deal models – I love the game show, but find the models inappropriately dressed. He thinks it’s ok and that there’s nothing wrong with the children looking at women that way “Because they’re going to see it anyway.”
    To his credit though: he was raised with the notion that religion was the woman’s area and so doesn’t prevent me from doing things with them. He doesn’t complain about us going to church, praying, reading the Bible, tithing (as long as everythnig else is paid first), listening to Christian music, teaching the faith along with the three R’s, etc.
    While I am grateful that he doesn’t stop us; I do pray for the day (in God’s time) that he will be a willing participant with us. On those rare occasions that he kneels down and prays with us at night, I silently interrupt our current prayer and add one of thanksgiving that he is participating and one of hope that he will do it again.

    Reply
  13. Angela (Ang4him) Avatar
    Angela (Ang4him)

    Wow – there are alot of good ones here commented on already. Many that I’ve struggled with myself. However, when I first read this post, two things came to the front for me.
    1. Sharing – when the Lord reveals something to me through His Word, prayer, worship, a book, whatever – one of my first thoughts is to share it with someone. And the first person I desire to share these things with is my husband. However, for the most part I can not. It is really hard when you can’t share some of the biggest and most important things in your life with the person you love the most. I’ve learned ways to do this in small ways but I really wish I could just share what is going on without my beloved looking at me like I’ve jumped off the deep end.
    2. The Bedroom – I know like many of these issues, they do occur in equally yoked marriages and if my husband became a Believer it is no guarantee that this would be “solved”. But we definitely have different ideas of what intimacy is all about – the purpose for it and what is acceptable and not acceptable. I know part of this may be a male/female thing, but for us it goes deeper most times. And when I put my foot down in certain areas, he will often take it personally. Especially if it is something that at the beginning of our relationship (prior to my following Christ) I was okay with. He thinks I’ve become a prude and/or takes it as a rejection of him.
    While money and the kids were big argument starters in our past, we seem to have worked past it for the most part. However, the bedroom issue (okay, I’ll say it – Sex) is our real hot button right now.

    Reply
  14. Tina W Avatar
    Tina W

    To be quite honest, I feel like I am very blessed in my marriage even though my husband is not a Christian. Sometimes his language or his movie choices are not something I would choose but then again my tongue and my choices aren’t always pleasing to God either. He is always very careful in what he says in front of our daughters and is completely on my side regarding their church attendance. I used to say that I couldn’t share things about church or what God is speaking to me but I have found out that was a lie. He is very open to me discussing things with him and looks at every issue from every side possible. So many times he has questioned me about things that has helped me to grow in my relationship with Christ. The main problem I seem to have is finding other Christian women who are going through the same thing I am in that they have been praying for so long to see their husbands come to Christ. Most of the women I know only had to pray for a little while or don’t seem to want to be honest about the situation.
    What I have come to discover about my husband is that if I will be honest with him and be willing to do things he enjoys, then he will gladly do the same.
    Again, I want to say thank you for this blog and the openness that is shown here.

    Reply
  15. Lynn Avatar
    Lynn

    Thank you everyone so very much for adding to this conversation. There are some things I have forgotten about and some things in your list that I am in the midst of dealing with in my own marriage.
    Great thoughts and I know the Lord will use this in some way. We shall have to see what He has planned. Hugging you, Lynn

    Reply

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