Spiritually Unequal Marriage

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What Do We Do With Charley?

What do we do with Charley? Hi SUMITE nation. Lynn Donovan here. I’ve wrangled about writing a post regarding Charlie Kirk and his assassination for weeks. I’ve read and watched…

What do we do with Charley?

Hi SUMITE nation. Lynn Donovan here.

I’ve wrangled about writing a post regarding Charlie Kirk and his assassination for weeks. I’ve read and watched the different opinions in the media where pastors have pressured other pastors, and voices of influence have criticized pastors for not mentioning Charley. And others of criticize pastors for mentioning Charley and his assassination.

I’ve tried to stay out of that melee. 

However, Charlie, Kirk’s assassination does bring to the forefront our unique struggles when social issues and political issues arise within our spiritually mismatched marriage.

The reaction to Charley‘s death was multifaceted. If any of you watched his memorial, which I did, it was filled with worship and the gospel was preached. I was overwhelmed at how many people actually went to the arena in Arizona to participate.

On the other hand, there was a visceral reaction from those who opposed Charley’s message. His death took on a celebratory traction in Liberal camps including churches and pastors.  

In many social issues, many of you find yourself at opposite viewpoints with your spouse. And this is where so much pain will arise in our marriages.

So what do we do when our spouse is opposed to our social positions, which are born out of our biblical Worldview.

I found that arguing over these social positions is futile. Even today, Mike and I have vastly different views on social and political views. 

So here’s a couple of my thoughts on how to walk through your relationship when your values collide.

#1: Realize you aren’t alone in this position and surround yourself by other SUMites and believers who view life through the biblical lens. Find support when you need it.

#2 Choose not to engage with an argument. People who are unsaved aren’t capable of comprehending some of the moral positions that we support. The Holy Spirit of God doesn’t abide within them. It doesn’t make sense to them.

#3 When your spouse is spouting his/her beliefs that feel evil, cruel, and immature, choose to let it go especially when they are in a moment of anger or emotional immaturity.

Choose to walk away in the moment. Then have a conversation with them later and establish that their reaction was not respectful nor helpful. This is where we establish boundaries of polite respect.

And finally, choose to forgive them. There are many reasons why people outside of the faith of Christianity react so strongly to moments like Charlie Kirk. They receive information from sources that are not true that are deceitful and ungodly.

For me personally, I’ve lived this situation out frequently. I’ve tried everything under the sun to convince my husband that his beliefs are not aligned with the word of God. But until the day he decides to fully embrace the wholeness of the truth of the word of God, we will probably be at odds about many moral and political issues.

OK, I’m really interested in your opinions and your experience over social issues. I know this can be an explosive topic so let’s be respectful in the comments.

I can’t wait to hear from you. I’ll join you there this week.

Please KNOW this: You are doing more for your family by believing in Jesus Christ and bringing his presence into your home then you can ever know this side of heaven. Stay strong. You’re on the right path. God bless yoLove and blessings, Lynn. 

Comments

16 responses

  1. Narelle Goodall Avatar
    Narelle Goodall

    Hi Lyn, thank you for sharing. There does seem to be a whole spectrum of differing views & opinions, even within Christian circles.
    I am very grateful that even though my husband is a pre believer, his moral & social views mostly line up with biblical principles & therefore he’s quite open to me sharing things that come up on my social feed & even ok with me donating to a couple of causes here in Australia that I feel strongly about. (Pro life & Binary issues)
    I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to have complete opposite views on some of these difficult topics with a spouse & my heart goes out to those who find themselves in that situation.

    Reply
    1. Lynn Donovan Avatar
      Lynn Donovan

      Hi my friend,

      Indeed, this is a great gift. God’s giving you. To be in line morally with your pre-believing husband. Never let up praying for his salvation.

      I pray for his salvation right now in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

      Reply
      1. Narelle Goodall Avatar
        Narelle Goodall

        ♥️

        Reply
  2. Jeanne Avatar
    Jeanne

    A couple things we can do with situations like this instead of digging in our heels and saying, “I’m right and you’re wrong.”
    1. Understand and appreciate that the other person’s viewpoint makes perfect sense to them, given where they look for truth. Imagine that you are standing back to back with your spouse outdoors. In the sky, they see is blue and sunny, but from the opposite direction, you can see dark clouds forming on the horizon. If either of you turns around and looks at the other person’s viewpoint, there would be agreement. Instead of doing that, we try to convince the other person that they’re wrong about what they see. Look through their eyes and find something you can affirm about their position.
    2. Reiterate that your love for them is more important than differences of opinion. We can disagree but still remain loving and fully committed to them. It’s important to say that out loud.

    Reply
    1. Lynn Donovan Avatar
      Lynn Donovan

      My dear friend, Jeanne

      Your wisdom and the love that comes from your heart always pushes me to new depths. Thank you for adding your perspective and I loved the story about looking at the sky and seeing two different things. Really very good! Love you girl. God bless you.

      Reply
  3. Cathleen Rafalko Avatar
    Cathleen Rafalko

    I thank you with all my heart for writing this. I also watched the entire 5 hr CK memorial. I was encouraged by high ranking USA leaders sharing the Gospel and they were finally comfortable in sharing their strong faith. I LOVED the Christian singers who volunteered to perform and lead worship. I’m so very thankful my husband, Mark and I, are on the same page socially and politically. Yet I’ve lost friends at work over Political views

    Reply
  4. Lu Avatar
    Lu

    Kev and I mostly agree in politics. It wasn’t always that way but evolved over time. I choose to focus on the spiritual more than the political although I certainly stay informed. The word says God places the rulers and that is enough for me. I try to avoid useless arguments that waste time, energy, and cause division. Not every opinion needs to be expressed. And knowing that Holy Spirit is the conviction also helps. We are all growing at differing rates. And that is okay…

    Reply
    1. Lynn Donovan Avatar
      Lynn Donovan

      Amen girl amen. And I’m tickled because I didn’t know you were still a reader here. I’m so glad you’re here to add your wisdom to our conversations. I miss you so much. God bless you.

      Reply
  5. Lu Avatar
    Lu

    And the word says to work out your own salvation with fear and trembling…

    Reply
  6. Jill Avatar
    Jill

    Thank you, Lynn, for reminding us that our unsaved loved ones don’t have the Holy Spirit of God within this so they might be incapable of comprehending our moral worldview. I think back to only 2 years ago when I was saved and overnight ALL my convicitions were changed… Hallelujah!! Praise the Lord!! That’s how powerful He is…. there is nothing like the transformative power of the blood of Jesus.

    Reply
    1. Lynn Donovan Avatar
      Lynn Donovan

      Jill,

      It’s so amazing when the Lord really gets a hold of us. It is all about transformation. Amen to the power of the blood! Love you, Jill.

      Reply
  7. Martha Bush Avatar
    Martha Bush

    Thank you for this as confirmation to how I handle a lot of things, especially spiritual and politically. My best solution is to walk away—argument does no good-it just makes me more frustrated. I used to think I should always stand up for what I believe on anything, but eventually realized that truth cannot invade such a dark world. Only the Holy Spirit can bring about changes within. I go by the verse in Romans, just be fully persuaded in your own mind what you believe to keep down division.

    Reply
  8. Helen Avatar
    Helen

    Hi Lynn – such wisdom and insight! Yes it is so hurtful when you both are miles apart in this perspective! It is only thru the Holy Spirit are we able to navigate this part of a marriage! My husband is also slowly coming back to having relationship with the Lord as he did when we first married. Infact, praying in the Holy Spirit is the ONLY way I find that turn around will happen! I have seen it happen in front of me many times! This is our heritage (our SUPER POWER) that an unbelieving spouse or any unbelieving person does not have. We are the HEAD and not the tail above and not beneath! So, practicing praying in the Holy Spirit makes us able to withstand and not let the hurt or words wound us! Love these blogs and encouragements, thank you much 🙂 Blessings

    Reply
  9. Lori Avatar
    Lori

    Some of the comments my liberal unbelieving spouse made about CK tragedy disheartened and appalled me to the point I just had to walk away. So I left the house and went for a long walk to pray and walk it out my frustrations. We see the world through entirely different lenses, and at times our worlds collide , leaving me with realization once again of our profound differences. In these times I think of the scripture verse that says “For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.” 1Corinthians 1:18
    So I pray in the waiting for the Holy Spirit to work as only He can, to remove the scales from my husbands eye and soften his hardened heart. And I pray for the and strength and resolve for me as I wait. I am thankful for this ministry, the community here encourages me p, gives me hope, and know I don’t walk alone.

    Reply
    1. Lynn Donovan Avatar
      Lynn Donovan

      Lori,

      It is indeed heartbreaking to think that our guy and have such dark thoughts. But I think you are absolutely right. And the scriptures are correct. They can’t see it.

      I feel your heartbreak in your words today. And I’m praying encouragement over you. Stay the course. Perseverance. I know that you’re not alone.

      I bless you today in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ with peace and affirmations. To know you are loved and you are stronger than ever. I bless you to be courageous in your life in marriage. I bless you to know that your light shines brightly in a dark world. And the demons are afraid. And Jesus rejoices. God bless you, my friend. I pray this all in the mighty name of our king Jesus. Blessings and hugs, Lynn.

      Reply
  10. Leah Avatar
    Leah

    Thank you for sharing! My husband and I used to be equally yoked and close in our views on political, social , morals/values. He stopped believing almost 4 years ago, and also went completely opposite of me on political and social issues. Its been extremely hard navigating it and I try to surround myself with other believers.

    Reply

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