Spiritually Unequal Marriage

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It Had to be Him…

I love my husband. No, I really, really love my husband. And it’s not the same as when I married him. It’s better. I can’t take credit for it either. At…

Heart&Cross

I love my husband. No, I really, really love my husband. And it’s not the same as when I married him.

It’s better.

I can’t take credit for it either. At all. It’s totally God. I started praying years ago that God would help me love my husband the way Jesus did, to love him with a godly love.

And He answered that prayer bigger and better than I ever imagined.

Now this is coming from someone who almost canceled her wedding a month before because I was scared to death! Every marriage in my family had ended in divorce and most of my relatives had married and divorced multiple times.

My fear went even deeper than that. I will confess to you that the first time my husband told me he loved me, I told him to go to heck (not the word I used but you get the idea) and drove away. I was scared to death of walking the path I’d seen so much of my family go through. That was the norm for us.

But not for my husband. Quite the opposite for him. Everyone in his family except one person was still in their first marriage and had been married for years. That was the norm for them.

You know what? God isn’t about “the norm.” He’s about the impossible, about the miraculous, about doing what we can’t (and can) in even bigger and better ways.

Like loving my husband with a humanly impossible love.

A few posts ago, one of you shared that you remind yourself in that God loves your husband too when faced with times that make it difficult to love. That’s the norm for God, to love us in our best and worst states.

He loves us despite ourselves so we don’t have to go to hell.

Jesus came for you and me. And He came for our unbelieving hubbies too. He loves our men with a fierce passion that makes our love look feeble and weak.

Having trouble loving your guy this week? Ask God to help you love that man the way He does. Pray it constantly. This delights God and He will do it!

Now get ready. Bigger and better love than you ever imagined is coming your way.

Praying and believing,
Dineen

Comments

27 responses

  1. Lynn Avatar
    Lynn

    Amen Dineen, and you made me laugh.
    You know what? God isn’t about “the norm.” He’s about the impossible, about the miraculous, about doing what we can’t (and can) in even bigger and better ways. LOVE IT.
    Have a great day.

    Reply
  2. Lori Avatar
    Lori

    God IS about the impossible…heard a sermon today that was titled “how big is your God”…in the sermon the Pastor made the statement that the size of your God can be measured by your prayers…are you praying BIG things to a BIG God, or little things…I am going to pray BIG things for my hubby…BIG IMPOSSIBLE things to a BIG LOVING God!!! Can you imagine the smile on God’s face when we have enough faith to ask for those BIG things…looking forward to Bigger and better love than I ever imagined!!!

    Reply
  3. Lynn Avatar
    Lynn

    Amen Lori. I sooooo believe God wants us to pray BIG, fantastic and outrageous prayers. Amen.
    Hugs, Lynn

    Reply
  4. Christine Avatar
    Christine

    I stand in full agreement with your post Dineen!! Love it!

    Reply
  5. Denise Avatar
    Denise

    Amen, amen.

    Reply
  6. Loli Avatar
    Loli

    Sometimes it’s not a question of not wanting BIG MIRACLES in our marriages…it’s about growing weary of asking them and not seeing anything to happen.
    That’s how I feel, that’s how I’m doing right now…and as only “little things” happen (as just my hubby coming at night and warming a couple of coffe cups,….which BTW it’s now weeks he doesn’t)…this is what I lately ask for…just little things.
    Can’t explain anymore here.
    Dineen, Lynn, I know I owe you an email. I’ll try to write you later today.
    Blessings

    Reply
  7. Loli Avatar
    Loli

    However, I thank God for all those of you who are experiencing these BIG things.

    Reply
  8. Joanne Avatar
    Joanne

    Thanks for the great reminder of God’s love for our ‘absent in faith’ husbands Lynn. I have trouble loving my guy most weeks when I get “the Laurel, from Laurel and Hardy face” in my times of sharing how God moved in my day! I think God gave me that image of him, which frankly the resemblance is uncanny! Now I almost laugh instead of getting steamed! One thing I know is that if God could turn me around?…there’s hope for my husband! ‘wink’ I can’t imagine my husband sitting beside me in church every weekend! Maybe I better start! 🙂 “hugs to all my new SUM SISTAS!”

    Reply
  9. Jenna Avatar
    Jenna

    Great message! I, too, have been blessed with an unimaginable love for my husband. It’s obviously God and I praise Him for it! I remind my husband, often, that although he doesn’t believe is Jesus as his Savior he represents Christ in our marriage is an abundant way. He simply smiles but I see his creator in that smile. It’s amazing how we can see God shine through our husbands even when we,as humans, don’t see how our husband will ever be saved.

    Reply
  10. Lori Avatar
    Lori

    I have to say Loli that I know where you are…14 years saved and my husband NEVER comes to church with us – even the kids Christmas plays or choir performances. Yes, I have asked him, so have the kids, I even asked him to help us pick a church to attend. I know what weary feels like. I have learned through the years that it is all about keeping my heart right with God, living for God and being the wife that God asks me to be, and to pray hard (even when you see nothing). My love, peace, and joy HAS to come from being the daughter of a loving God in heaven, I cannot rely on earthly people, things, or situations to fill that ache – that is a tough order to fill for even a Christian individual. Remember that we can do anything because of the love of Jesus Christ!! I have known some hard places, and it is through those hard times and the day to day drudgery that I have seen BIG miracles – in me. BIG miracles like being able to love when I can’t love, being able to forgive AND FORGET and be a blessing when I couldn’t forgive, forget or be a blessing, and having the energy to be a homeschooling mother to 6 when I am just drained. In our weakness God’s strength is made perfect and that is where your heart needs to be anchored so that when the droughts and storms hit you won’t be moved. I hope you get to see this comment, because my heart ached for you when I read yours…hang in there, read your Bible, and I am praying for you!!

    Reply
  11. Dineen Miller Avatar
    Dineen Miller

    Love this, Lori! I read your comment to the friend I was having lunch with yesterday because we had just talked about this as we shared a meal together. Then I checked my email on my phone and there was your comment like a sweet affirmation from God. We laughed and agreed we need to pray bigger. Love you, my friend!

    Reply
  12. Dineen Miller Avatar
    Dineen Miller

    Love you, girl! 🙂

    Reply
  13. Dineen Miller Avatar
    Dineen Miller

    Loli, part of what my lunch friend (see my comment to Lori) and I talked about was what we define as success. Sometimes we deem those small steps as, well, just small, but in God’s eyes they are miraculous because any change and movement of a heart toward love–toward God–is a miracle. I look forward to your email, Loli. Hugs!

    Reply
  14. Dineen Miller Avatar
    Dineen Miller

    Love you, Christine! Hugs!

    Reply
  15. Dineen Miller Avatar
    Dineen Miller

    Hugging you, Denise!

    Reply
  16. Dineen Miller Avatar
    Dineen Miller

    SUM SISTAS…love that, Joanne. 🙂 Hugs!

    Reply
  17. Dineen Miller Avatar
    Dineen Miller

    Oh, amen, Jenna. Truly miraculous there too. 🙂

    Reply
  18. mary Avatar
    mary

    Thanks Dineen. Really needed to hear that this week, spring break vacation with the whole family…….

    Reply
  19. Joanne Avatar
    Joanne

    oops. THANKS DINEEN! Just saw my mistake now. Either way…you’re both awesomely inspiring and uplifting! 🙂

    Reply
  20. Dineen Miller Avatar
    Dineen Miller

    No worries, Joanne! Thank you! Hugs! 🙂

    Reply
  21. Dineen Miller Avatar
    Dineen Miller

    Hang in there, Mary. Praying with you, my friend. 🙂

    Reply
  22. Janet Avatar
    Janet

    Thanks Dineen and Amen. For a long time I didn’t have love for my husband and all I saw were lots of faults. Then one day (out of desperate heartache), I started praying really BIG for God to let me feel the love that He feels for my husband – not only did I not love my husband, I hated him! It took awhile, but I do love my husband so much more now than I ever did. God spoke to me in His words and through a book “Sacret Influence” by Gary Thomas(study from my women’s Bible study) I also see the Holy Spirit working in my husband more these days. Still, there are days when I don’t like him for whatever he said or did, so on those occasions I tell him – “I don’t like you right now, but I do love you”… he just keeps quiet and smiles and we don’t get into an argument.
    love the SUM SISTAS!
    Loli – Here’s a verse that I cling on to… for the day of a BIG harvest. Hope it helps 🙂
    Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

    Reply
  23. Teresa T Avatar
    Teresa T

    Thanks for the post. If Christ loves me with all my imperfections, it is only reasonable that I should love my guy even when he is not acting lovely.
    The above Galatians verse is very encouraging too.

    Reply
  24. Tammy Avatar
    Tammy

    You have no idea how much I needed to read these posts today. I just finished writing in my diary about how much my attitude changes when my husband comes home. I can hardly stand to look at him most days. And what fuels my ‘hate’ is his porn addiction. I am not sure what to do. I have addressed this on numerous occasions to no avail. My desire for him no longer exists and I don’t know what to do. I read and try to ‘assume love’ and pray for God to change me and let God work on my husband himself. I pray for small things and feel very depressed and alone at home. And sometimes I wonder if I use his porn viewing as an excuse to not love him. I have been working on trying to love him as he is but I am really struggling. I am working on trying to understand that all that matters is that my God loves me as His daughter and that should be enough. I want so much to be the wife that God wants me to be but it is hard not to nag, because I feel if I don’t say anything I am condoning what he does. I know that is for God to deal with. I so wish I had the love that so many women have for their husband. It is hard to fake it till you make it. I wear my emotions on my sleeve and it is hard for me to smile and be happy when I am so angry and hurt inside. I thank God daily for listening to my hurts and know that in His time, He will make things right. I am getting very weary of the wait though. I hope He knows that! Thanks again for your posts. They are not only uplifting but it is good to know that we women are not alone in our marriage struggles. So thank you to all of you who reveal openly about your own struggles. There are those of us who draw strength and perserverance from you.

    Reply
  25. Dineen Miller Avatar
    Dineen Miller

    Tammy, I’m praying for strength for you, my friend. That’s a tough, really really tough, place to be. If your hubby is willing to try counseling, then how about you just going on your own? So you can have someone you can talk to about it. You need the support. Do you have a handful of trusted friends (2 or 3) who can be in prayer for you? I mean really commit to pray for you and your marriage. Praying for this support for you too. Love and hugs to you!

    Reply
  26. Tammy Avatar
    Tammy

    I have been going to counselling for some time. I also know that I need to pray more. I need to concentrate on my own happiness right now and learn to do what I want to do, and to do what I know is right. I want so desperately to come to that place where I am happy no matter the circumstance (as with Job). That is so much harder done than said though. Thank you for your prayers and support. I am ever so grateful.

    Reply
  27. Joanne Avatar
    Joanne

    To Tammy: I HEAR YOU SUM SISTA! I can’t talk to my husband about my faith or works God is doing through my days without getting the smirk and rolling eyes. So aggravating and crushes the joy I felt in receiving God’s messages for me in my day. I’m torn between not saying anything at all or continuing as always and putting up with the looks. The second is more confirmed through the spirit as the first would only result in disconnection. There’s no encouragement to my husband of faith if I put up a wall. I’m pretty sure his friends are not discussing Jesus with him so that leaves me for the job! I’m becoming more thankful that I was drawn to this website for encouragement through my SUM SISTAS! Recently I have experienced a renewal of my real personality. My humour and wit are refreshed and in Tammy’s thoughts…I am doing what I know is right and I am concentrating on my own happiness which I know will rub off on my husband…eventually, because I am following God’s direction and praying my husband is close behind!

    Reply

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