Spiritually Unequal Marriage

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Glee and Other Thoughts – The Chronicles of the Donovan Clan

I hope you read the comments from my Monday post, Television and Our Kids. There are some very wise parents who offered their thoughts and reflect on some of their…

I hope you read the comments from my Monday post, Television and Our Kids. There are some very wise parents who offered their thoughts and reflect on some of their past interactions with regard to their children and the media.

I am deeply troubled over the direction television programing is headed. It is reflective of the fact that the return of Christ is imminent and near. But as we wait, we must continue to live in this world, to be the salt and light, especially to our kids and to our spouse.

AND THAT is the tricky part.

How?

So, I'm going out on a limb again today and share a peek into our life here with the Donovan Clan.

I know I can get riled up about Skins and two dozen or more other television programs I think should be cancelled yesterday. But, I will share with you that my daughter and I began watching the series, Glee on Fox when it premiered three years ago.

This is a show about a high school glee club. I recognize this show is highly controversial and is absolutely offensive. The episodes are scripted and deal with matters such as homosexuality, teen pregnancy, bullying, underage drinking and a few others I can't remember right now.

I asked my daughter, "Caitie, Glee includes content of teens drinking, having sex and homosexuality. How is this different than Skins."

"Mom, I haven't seen Skins but I can tell you that the way it's presented is very different. For example the most recent episode of Glee was about teen drinking. Mom, at the end of the program the teens learn something. They learned drinking wasn’t worth it and they signed a pledge to not drink. They always learn something."

So, here I am a parent, what do I do with this?

I will tell you that I have watched the episodes with my daughter and we have literally put the show on pause in the middle of the broadcast to have discussions about gay students in her school, we have talked about sex, the temptations, the curiosity of teens and every manner of morals and Biblical teaching with regard to abstinence. Glee actually opened up a wide door of communication about very real issues that are present in my daughter's life.

I will tell you that last year, as a freshman in high school, she saw a lot. A friend came to school high, one drunk, a girl hit on her in math class, bazaar clothing and every kind of tattoo and piercing, smoking, drinking…… And that was just the first month of school.

I want to shield my daughter from these things but I also realize that she will encounter them, almost daily, in her high school. Watching this program together with her has given me the chance to bring up the subject matters, provide her with solid thoughts on how she can make a decision today to do the right thing when she finds herself faced with temptation or what seems to be actually happening is that her friends are struggling and have little guidance from home. My daughter is often the voice of descent.

So, I'm trying to find the balance. I want her to feel safe to talk to me about these issues and to allow her some personal freedom of choice. I don't want to be so ridged that she feels she must rebel. Yet I want her to know the truth about what God says on these very real and controversial issues she and her friends face. I want her to choose to do the right thing not for my sake but for hers and mostly I want her to choose to do what God wants. It’s that kind of thinking that will stay with her for a lifetime long after my parenting influence is over.

My ultimate goal is that she chooses to honor God’s desires for her life.

I have more to say on this and more about how we balance television viewing with an unbelieving spouse.

I’m curious about how you find the balance and how you help your kids navigate the moral challenges they face in this lost and broken world. What has worked for you? Be blessed, Lynn

Next post: Do we have any influence over our spouse’s media choices??

Comments

15 responses

  1. Jennifer Avatar
    Jennifer

    This is such a great subject…since I have boys our issue isn’t tv, it’s X BOX. The games, the hours played, etc…We have put in some pretty good boundaries. No X BOX on school nights/days and an hour a day on Friday and Saturday. It has been so good for them. Now the content of the games is an entirely different thing and one I struggle with. The boys like shoot em’ up war games so I am careful about which ones they can play. Not an easy task when more than half the school is playing them… however my answer to them is “I am not their mother, and my job is to keep you safe”…

    Reply
  2. James Avatar
    James

    I want to shield my daughter from these things but I also realize that she will encounter them, almost daily, in her high school. Watching this program together with her has given me the chance to bring up the subject matters, provide her with solid thoughts on how she can make a decision today to do the right thing when she finds herself faced with temptation or what seems to be actually happening is that her friends are struggling and have little guidance from home. My daughter is often the voice of descent.
    Yes. Exactly. I know many Christian parents want to isolate their children from the world completely. Even if you home school your high school kids, don’t own a TV, and don’t have Internet access, eventually, they’ll have to leave your home and go live in the world. They’ll need to get jobs. If you want them to have a university education, you’ll have to let them leave home, and even Christian colleges exist surrounded by the rest of our culture.
    Isolating kids, especially when they enter high school, is the worst thing you can do for them and yes, as they become more aware of things like alcohol, sexuality, drugs, violence, and injustice, you should maintain an open dialog with them to help them filter these experiences through the lens of their faith. Many Christian kids lose their faith when they go to university because they weren’t prepared for the experience. You have the opportunity to use shows like Glee (and about a billion others) to help them understand the world around them and to draw the line between the values of God and the values of the world.
    My 22 yr old daugther watches Glee but she’s already a university graduate and, having attended a liberal arts college in the Puget Sound area, has been fully exposed to all of those influences (drugs, alcohol, homosexuality) that make Christian parents shudder. We continue to have many frank conversations and I’m pleased that she can discuss topics with me that you wouldn’t imagine father & daughter talking about. We don’t always agree, but each child has to negotiate their own relationship with God as they enter adulthood. Beyond a certain point, you can’t do it for them. It’s their faith, not yours…and only they can live it out.

    Reply
  3. Luanne Avatar
    Luanne

    13 years ago, when our 3 children were around 10,12, and 14 years old, the road crews accidentally cut our cable connection. Not sure whether we wanted cable or dish, we delayed reconnecting while we weighed the options. The funny thing was that the arguments between the kids over TV, and the battles between parents and kids about limiting TV dropped so much that we decided not to resume any TV. I think it was one of the best decisions we could make as parents. Yes, we continued to have internet and the kids attended a public school. The computer was in the kitchen/dining area where what they were viewing was public knowledge. We rented videos, the kids did community sports, theater, and music. They all graduated high in their class. No regrets. All three are adults and have television now, but I have never heard them criticize or complain about the decision we made then. Funny thing, as empty nesters, we just bought an x-box for the exercise value of it. Our kids think that’s hilarious! But still no TV, and when we watch it we are amazed and disturbed by where the slippery slope has moved. We know this is not the answer for everyone, but I am thankful this is how God worked in this household!

    Reply
  4. Lynn Avatar
    Lynn

    Luanne, you are adorable and made me giggle and I so want to pray that our
    receiver goes on the fritz… Brilliant. Thanks for sharing your wisdom. Oh
    that we would all just turn the tube off for a while. Hugs. Lynn

    Reply
  5. Lynn Avatar
    Lynn

    James,
    I look forward to reading your thoughts every morning when I boot up my
    computer. You are wise and I appreciate your willingness to share the truths
    you have learned with all of us. You are helping me and many others. Thank
    you my friend. Lynn

    Reply
  6. Lynn Avatar
    Lynn

    Jennifer,
    Yikes, I haven't even given thought to the video game aspect of media and
    our kids. I am SO GLAD you shared your thoughts here. I know there is
    another mom of boys (and girls) out there who needed to read this and
    receive this for their home. Thank you. Have a great day and thanks for
    sharing your heart with us. Hugs, Lynn

    Reply
  7. James Avatar
    James

    Yipes! Now I’m blushing.
    Thank you.

    Reply
  8. Angela (Ang4him) Avatar
    Angela (Ang4him)

    Lynn,
    This is something I have thougth about alot lately. My daughter will be 10 in June and up until this last January attended private school for two years and then we homeschooled for 2 1/2 years. Now for various reasons we’ve enrolled her and my 6 year old son in public school. This was hard for me because I too have a strong desire to shelter my daughter and I’ve realized that things I had no idea about are topics of discussion (and action in some cases) for children my daughter’s age now.
    I was of the opinion that I was going to tell her very little about sex, that she was too young. However, I picked up a wonderful book called “Preparing Your Daughter for Every Woman’s Battle”. The first half is for parents to read and the second half you read with your daughter. The author had some really good reasons as to why we should talk to our children honestly and candidly sooner rather than later. In today’s world no matter how much you shelter them, as James said, they will see it, hear it, know about it. Their minds are like sponges and I would rather her fill her mind with the Truth I’ve taught her than the lies and/or “guesses” of friends that she may encounter. And I want her to feel safe coming to me with any questions she may have or concerns.
    It has been interesting as this is not how things were done with me when I was young – but already I see the effect on my daughter. It has only been 2 months and she has had to deal with some issues in school (only 4th grade) that are new for her and she has come to me and we’ve talked openly about them.
    I think it is wonderful that you and your daughter watch Glee together and then talk through the issues it presents. I’ve started doing this with TV and even books that my daughter is being exposed to now at school and it has increased her confidence and given me more peace of mind.

    Reply
  9. Your Sister in Christ Avatar
    Your Sister in Christ

    I love all these comments. 🙂
    I wish we could just turn off our cable, but my husband is an “entertainment” junky and does not permit it.
    I do put my foot down pretty sternly when the kids are little. As I see them maturing and obeying, I give them more freedom. If they use that liberty wisely…they get even more. If not, I reel them in a bit. My goal is that by the time they are an adult they can handle their “freedom” responsibly and morally.
    Like you, my mom and I have watched a few different shows with my kids when they become teens. Shows I would prefer they did not watch, but by watching it with them, it gave us the ability to discuss what is going on and the TRUTH with them.
    Video games have been a huge issue in our home too. My husband plays a very evil role playing game and wants our kids and I to join him in it. This is a horrible point of contention, as I REFUSE to allow it. He has promised me over and over to give up the game forever, but he always goes back to it. It has a mature rating for the violence, blood, and nudity (succubi demons) in it, etc. He gets very angry because I won’t let our kids play it with him, so they can have “bonding time.” The kids just want him to play baseball and legos with them, not games about demons and spells.
    My daughter and I watch many movies together and talk often. I know every thing pretty much that goes on at her school and in her life. High school was tough to watch her go through. I put her in a public charter, because I believed she needed to start spreading her wings while still under our guidance.
    She made some choices that I did not like. They were NOT horrible choices, but ones that might lead her down a wrong path in time. I had to reel her in a few times and remind her that trust and respect can be lost and then must be earned back. Overall, she is an amazing lady and very trustworthy. I have not had to reel her in for over a year, but have been able to extend more and more freedom to her. She grows into a beautiful young woman of God. I am blessed.
    I offer no simple solutions. This is tough to be a parent in this sex, drug, and immediate gratification culture.

    Reply
  10. Cherie Hill Avatar
    Cherie Hill

    Hi sister! I have taught my two boys ONE thing: If you wouldn’t do it, watch it, play it, . . . whatever (quite frankly this covers overspending and overeating among other things) . . . with Jesus right beside you . . . then you shouldn’t be doing it. To me, that covers EVERYTHING. I’ve been amazed at how my boys have made VERY powerful decisions at the ages of 10 and 12 regarding what video games they play, what they watch on TV etc. ALL without me having to say one word. When they ask me about a certain situation, or if they want to watch a TV show etc., I just simply ask them, “Would you do it with Jesus with you?” “Is it something Jesus would do?” Nothing more has to be said. Every single time they make the right decision. They clearly understand our lives, heart, mind, and soul are to gloify God. I’m reminded of Phillipians 4:8:
    Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.
    I know that murder is not right, therefore video games, TV shows etc., that show this are not right. I know that the viewing of others in a sexual act does not make my mind pure. The show that shows a man and wife fighting and then ending up in divorce . . . or should we say, “Desperate Housewives,” is NOT lovely OR admirable. I know that homeosexuality is not pure or right. If I’m engaged in watching anything that contains it . . . then I’m thinking about “such things.” We can’t always know where our thoughts will be led. And as I’ve taught my two boys . . .sometimes when we’re watching things . . . especially the AWFUL commercials these days . . . before we know it, we’ve seen it and there’s no taking it back.
    I’ve also taught them to understand that Christ is living in them . . .they are seeing through God’s eyes . . . not their own.
    1 Corinthians 3:16 says,
    “Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst? 17 If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy that person; for God’s temple is sacred, and you together are that temple.”
    This is how I live my life. In a spiritually unequal marriage . . . when a spouse is watching OR doing something (i.e. going to parties etc. that promote drunkeness etc.) that is not worthy of praise . . .the decision is easy as a Christian. You don’t watch, you don’t participate. Yes, it draws divisions . . . but quite frankly, in today’s world, the NON-Christian is looking for REAL Christians . . . those who will actually live what they believe. The devil wants to deceive us and get us to believe that it would cause greater division and that is certainly not what God would want . . . but the Scriptures say otherwise:
    In Luke 12:51 Jesus said,
    “Do you think I have come to bring peace to the earth? No, I have come to divide people against each other! 52 From now on families will be split apart, three in favor of me, and two against-or two in favor and three against.
    As Christians, we cannot be afraid to make a stand based upon Scripture. Jesus said in Luke 12:57:
    “Why can’t you decide for yourselves what is right?”
    We’re not called to conform to the world, try and mix our world with God’s . . . our prayer is that HIS KINGDOM come. Not that ours would tolerate His.
    We’re reminded by Jesus in Luke 12:8-9:
    “I tell you the truth, everyone who acknowledges me publicly here on earth, the Son of Man will also acknowledge in the presence of God’s angels. But anyone who denies me here on earth will be denied before God’s angels.
    The time is short . . . everything we do and say and watch and accept matters. It matters to God. He’s not looking for “lukewarm” Christians:
    I’m haunted by Jesus’ words in Revelation 3:16: “I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm-neither hot nor cold-I am about to spit you out of my mouth.”
    Okay, so now you’re probably going to remove the comment section from your blog so people like me won’t comment! LOL Anyway, know that all I say is in the love of Christ and I only say what the Spirit has convicted me of. I am praying for ALL of my dear brothers and sisters who are spiritually unequal. May you all be light AND salt.
    Blessings and love and hugs to you Dineen and Lynn!
    Cherie

    Reply
  11. Lynn Avatar
    Lynn

    Girl,
    I LOVE your comments and wisdom and wow, this is exactly what I need too. I so agree with you that non-Christians want to see real Christians. I am convicted myself and the scripture you pass along is speaking. Thank you for sharing your prompting. We all need each other and the Word of God to correct and heal and bring us closer to Jesus. Hugging you this day. Thanks Cherie for adding your discernment to our conversation. Hugging you. Lynn

    Reply
  12. Lynn Avatar
    Lynn

    Angels, What a great comment and helpful. Excellent advise for a book.
    Hugging you. Thank you for adding your wisdom. Hugs. Lynn

    Reply
  13. Lynn Avatar
    Lynn

    Amen my Sister, It is a tough and evil world. ONLY by the grace and power of
    Jesus do we have victory and it's a sweet victory indeed. Praying over you
    and your family. Hugs, Lynn

    Reply
  14. Noreen Avatar
    Noreen

    Hi there, this is a bit late to comment but I love your teaching heart Lynn-such a gift to give your girl. These are the moments she will remember and eventually, many many years from now, implement with her own children. Hugs today and great job girl.

    Reply
  15. Lynn Avatar
    Lynn

    Love you Nor,
    Have a beautiful Monday. Is it snowing there today. It's cold and raining
    but lovely. Going to sit with my Jesus now and pray. BTW, God told me to
    pray for John yesterday. Not sure why but specifically for his salvation.
    I'm praying. Love you, Lynn

    Reply

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