Spiritually Unequal Marriage

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Facebook Ruins Marriage

Facebook ruins marriage. I’m sure you saw in the news a few weeks ago a Pastor in New Jersey gained national attention when he told his staff to close their…

Facebook ruins marriage.

I’m sure you saw in the news a few weeks ago a Pastor in New Jersey gained national attention when he told his staff to close their Facbook accounts.

The gist of this requirement was his experience that in his marital counseling efforts, many marriages ended because of Facebook. A married spouse would find an old flame online, they began to chat and then ultimately began an affair.

Well this incident with the pastor opened up some fascinating and interesting conversation around our house, with my teen-daughter, my husband and a few of my friends.

So my question; Is Facebook a danger to marriages? Should we close down our account? Now don’t be shy, add your voice because I can tell you, this is a very real issue. We received many Google search hits on an article I wrote about this very issue a year ago.

So, what say you?

Can’t wait to hear your thoughts. Hugs, Lynn

Original Article: An affair? Facbook?

Comments

14 responses

  1. Kathryn Frazier Avatar
    Kathryn Frazier

    I think internet in general can be a danger to marriage, and Facebook is just one avenue. Before Facebook began, I had a dear Christian friend who left her husband for someone she met online. For years, we didn’t have internet for that reason. Today, we have strict rules for accountability.
    I have the same rules for the internet that I have for my real life: I’m never alone with a member of the opposite sex, except my brother, sons, or dad. That means I don’t private message with any man, even a good friend. If I talk to a man by Facebook, it’s on his wall, visible for anyone to read.
    My husband knows my e-mail password, and I know his, so we can check on each other whenever we want. My grown daughter knows our internet filter password, so she can check up on us. This inter-accountability helps keep us straight.

    Reply
  2. tamara Avatar
    tamara

    my opinion – everything on earth is dangerous – there has been maritial unfaithfulness all the way back in time – Jesus himself said: because of that we are allowed to leave the marriage -so…..there wasnt any facebook then …..I think it can be of great help, I love FB and it can be dangerous – like anything else. it is our choice what we feed on.

    Reply
  3. Barbara Avatar
    Barbara

    Oh my goodness I could write a book on this one. My story didn’t start with facebook but msn gamezone back in 1998 or 1999. I was married to a Christian man and had a distant marriage that could have been worked on. I started playing card games and chatting on line and ended up reuniting with an old flame. I walked away from God and my marriage. My youngest son was 10 at the time. I didn’t continue with the old flame as he was still married. I started a new relationship and ended up divorcing my Christian husband (that I was married to for over 25 years) and married someone that was not a Christian. I turned my life and heart back over to Jesus and now I am in an unequally yoked marriage. I gave up everything thinking I would have something better. I did know that I couldn’t do this and continue to live for God so that is why I walked away from Him too. I moved accross country and am now over 1000 miles away from my family. So you see it’s not just facebook it’s any chat connection on line and it’s a choice you make. Am I going to honor my spouse and God or am I going to be selfish and give in to a temptation that hurts not only our spouse but the whole family. I am paying the price!

    Reply
  4. Heather G. Avatar
    Heather G.

    I think if your marriage is centered around Christ and you are both committed to the relationship and it’s boundaries then you would have nothing to worry about. However, if you are seeking out ex’s and conversations that should not be occuring then you would have reason to close accounts. Facebook can be addicting but so many other things. There are many ways that cheating could take place that I don’t believe Facebook would be the root cause. There is another issue going on in the marriage that needs to be addressed.

    Reply
  5. Jeannette Avatar
    Jeannette

    I don’t think Facebook is to blame, even though I am not a fan of the site to begin with. I think it all boils down to temptation. It is just that Facebook and the internet offer such easy communication. If you know that the temptation of an old flame will cause problems, then you should avoid it. Personally, DH and I are still very close to my ex-fiance. They talk occasionally and he and I chat on Yahoo messenger a few times a week. Because I am not tempted in any way by my ex, it is not a problem for any of us. If, however I were to feel that way I would cut all ties, including facebook.

    Reply
  6. Heather@Becoming A Titus 2 Woman Avatar
    Heather@Becoming A Titus 2 Woman

    I heard about this. I just think we can use the excuse of using the internet for ministering more than we actual do sometimes(not all of us,of course). My husband asked me to close mine and I felt like I needed too. I did not have any male friends on it b/c I think it can lead to problems no matter how much you are centered around Christ. Look at Peter and David. I don’t like Facebook. I never really did,but just wanted to see if it was all it was cracked up to be. It isn’t really. I think we have to be careful with everything in our marriage and life to not have emotional or physical affairs.

    Reply
  7. Nithya Avatar
    Nithya

    we have to be careful …. I have read that strength of a man /woman is being aware of His/Her weakness and taking protection from God. it is always not easy to resist a temptation, sometimes we have to run from it as Joseph did.

    Reply
  8. Vanessa Avatar
    Vanessa

    I think that if it is in you to cheat it is going to happen with or without Facebook. There is obviously something going wrong in the marriage if you are seeking out old flames on the internet. I know I could find some if I tried but there is no desire to do so and if there was I think there are problems that need to be addressed. But I do think that there should be certain limits a husband and wife set on their Facebook page. Out of respect for each other neither one should have old boyfriends/girlfriends as friends.

    Reply
  9. Thena Avatar
    Thena

    If a person is tempted to cheat they will find the means to give into that temptation. Look at the life of David in the Bible. He had an affair, yet God said he was a man after God’s own heart.
    But internet doesn’t help. You can be who you want to be on it. The opposite sex can tell you things your spouse may not say and before you know it one thing leads to another.
    My first husband divorced me 2 years after our first introduction to the internet. Because of a woman he met online, that he later had an affair with. I’m not saying a marriage can’t be salvaged, but trust is hard to get back once it’s gone.

    Reply
  10. Cindi =^..^= Avatar
    Cindi =^..^=

    I think all this internet craze is useful and damaging just like anything. There is good and evil everywhere you look. The idea is to continue getting closer to God not farther away. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Spending our time in God’s Word looking for the One who fulfills our “everything” is much more rewarding then as trying to find a true friend on Facebook…. Old or new.
    May God Bless us all!!!

    Reply
  11. Brenda Avatar
    Brenda

    I agree that it’s a temptation thing. We all have different areas we struggle with and Facebook/internet is just not something that tempts me in that way. I have certain places I visit (like SUM 🙂 and that’s about it. Although I do have unspoken/unwritten rules for myself similar to Jeannette. I do not “chat” or email with any man privately other than my husband, dad or brother – anyone else is on a wall or other public forum. And I don’t have any desire to. Facebook (really, the internet in general) does make it easier for people who are at risk to certain temptations particularly in regard to ex-flames because it’s now so easy to find people and the chatting usually begins in a friendly manner. I think people who struggle with this temptation need to be VERY careful when on the internet; perhaps having some sort of accountability set up or avoiding any social network sites/chatrooms altogether. Barbara made a very good point that Facebook is not the only place to find old flames (or new ones). But, as it has already been said, if a person struggles with the temptation to cheat or even act inappropriately with another man (or woman), they can do it with or without Facebook – the internet just makes it easier.

    Reply
  12. Linda Kauzlarich Avatar
    Linda Kauzlarich

    Here’s what my (unbelieving) spouse and I do with regard to the internet to protect ourselves and our marriage. Maybe this will help someone:
    First, we only have one user account (log-in) set up on our system. So nothing is loaded that we don’t BOTH know is there. For e-mail and facebook, we both have each others passwords and ID and on occasion log into each others accounts. On facebook, we don’t have every friend in common, but many of my friends are his as well, so we are both interacting with many of the same people. If i’m going to “friend” a man who is not known by my husband, i let him know who and why. If he’s not comfortable with it, then it’s a no. it has to be (and vice versa)
    The interesting thing is, we just started doing it this way without really talking about it. it just made sense. bottom line to us, is that you have to protect your marriage. threats will come from all sides and facebook is only one more way to interact with people.
    One thing i do think is really important when you’re dealing with the internet, is to be careful NOT to substitute it for “real” life…don’t be logged on for hours, when your family is with you to enjoy, don’t stay up late on FB, when your hubby asked you to come to bed..etc. Moderation in all things 🙂
    We’re not perfect by any means, but i am very proud of my hubby and am very grateful for the moral code he lives by. He’s an awesome man and i’m blessed.

    Reply
  13. LaTara Ham-Ying Avatar
    LaTara Ham-Ying

    The only thing dangerous to marriage are the two people in the marriage because they have choice.

    Reply
  14. Heike Sanfie Avatar
    Heike Sanfie

    I beleive marriage couples should have a facebook page together for God see us as one….my marriage is in bondage because of facebook soon as my husband got introduce to fb it has been his life so i beleive deeply that facebook is dangerous for marriages without a shadow of a doubt.not oly marriages but general because it’s an addiction most people be on there for hours rather spending time with God…..I was once addicted to facebook but about a year ago and i found myself putting my problems on there and business but when eveytime i log on facebook I become depress so I closed my page and I felt better I find other things useful than facebook but facebook is a problem for married couples there is women and men exposing they body on there and also old ex’s and past friends and the list can go on and on.

    Reply

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