Hi SUMers,
Lynn Donovan here. I want to tackle a question that was submitted through our community survey we took a number of months back.
Q: I need help with fighting anger and frustration at times as I am pulled in so many directions by family and work. Alone time with God is precious but a daily struggle to find.
As I consider this question, there are actually a lot of things this writer is asking. I perceive the questions as follows:
- I’m angry and I don’t want to be, please help.
- I want help with the family, how do I get it?
- I feel guilty that my alone time sufferers because I’m so exhausted.
I hope my interpretation is close.
Many of you don’t likely know that I worked in Corporate America for 25 years. I struggled greatly to balance working, family, and time with God. I did discover a simple solution for daily time with the Lord that helped me tremendously. I’ll share that in a bit.
Let’s answer the overarching question that is really being asked here. I’m mad, sad, and have so much pressure to deal with. How do I cope and/or change my situation.
Let me state clearly here, the answer the world will give you is: DIVORCE
That’s not the right answer. Here is the answer and I believe it is directly from our heavenly Father.
Take the pressure off yourself. God never asked you to do all of these things. Nor do you have to do them to perfection. This is comparison to others and fear of man. The Father loves you exactly where you are. In your failures, your messiness, your flaws and when you sit around in your gym shorts.
God had to say these things to me one day when I was struggling. He said, “Lynn, I never asked you to do all these things. The pressure you feel, you place upon yourself. I know it’s hard down there, I just want you to do the best you can. That is more than enough.”
What a relief.
But back to the question at hand. I have some practical solutions. Afterall, I started this blog so we can share practical steps to thrive.
Well, start by excusing yourself from perfection. And if you have a demanding, perfectionist mate, it’s time for a sit down to establish new expectations. This sit down might also apply to the sharing of tasks with a spouse. Do your homework and offer sound information how the sharing of tasks is healthy and makes for a great marriage. Jointly establish clear expectations for you both as parents and also the children. Then follow through. This is key. If you say you are going to do something. Do it. That is called integrity and it garners respect in the future.
If your spouse won’t help and if you can manage it, hire help. Help with the housework. Order boxed meals for the family. Hire help for the kids and laundry. Pick and choose what you need the most and ask God for the resources. Then cut, cut, cut.
It used to be every six months God would show up and tell me to prune stuff from my life. I would overcommit and then never have the wherewithal to do everything I promised. I felt like an idiot and I felt really bad when I had to break commitments to people that I’d only recently made. But because I love a good cause, I would volunteer myself to help. Ugh!
I stopped doing that and am very selective about how I resource my time. I have balance most of the time, and only participate in things that give me joy.
Process your anger. Get help with counseling. Have a prayer session. Pray, pray and pray. Command that beast out of your life and home. Then, daily bless yourself with peace. In Jesus name. OUT LOUD!
Finally, commit to arise 30 minutes earlier than the kids. Open a daily Bible and read the portions for today's date. Then journal your prayers. Listen and write down the responses you sense from the Holy Spirit. This process begins as drudgery, but it will quickly become your desire and the best part of your day. And THAT’S A PROMISE.
Okay, that’s a wrap. I hope a few of these tips make your life and marriage a bit more blessed. I love you, Lynn
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