To read part one of this story, click here.
My friends, we left off on Monday with my husband sitting on a rocking chair, reading my book manuscript, quietly…
This act alone sent me into a spiral of serious trauma. I basically fell into bed unable to function for that whole Sunday. Every now and again I would enter the living room and see him turn a crisp white page and let it fall softly to the ground on a pile.
Finally, many long hours later, the end of the reading came. He looked up and said in a deadpan tone —
“Hmm. There’s a lot about me in here.”
Yes; um yes, there was.
That night we had already planned to sleep in different rooms as I had an unusually early start and didn’t want to wake Bryce. We rarely do this, but it was just as well we did, as we each would toss and turn that night in our own thoughts.
That night I am sorry to say, I shook my fist at God for the first time in my life, and said, “Why did you make me walk through all these things? I just want to be normal. It’s SO HARD. And I cannot publish this book.” I felt bad the next morning for doing that.
The Pair-Shaped Promise is a glorious story. But in that very moment I was ungrateful for it. I was like one of those rebellious Israelites in the Bible who complained. God forgive me.
Meanwhile, Bryce barely slept a wink that night. In the morning when he told me that, he said, “Can you see why?”
I wasn’t sure which part of the book had caused him lost sleep. Was it the miracles and the supernatural? Or was it the things I had written about our SUM life ten years ago?
If I reflect on it now, in reading the book Bryce was introduced to ten years of my spiritual journey in the space of one afternoon. It was like he was seeing inside the mind of a SUMite for the first time.
My friends, I was panicked by having bared it all. Can you imagine?
Bryce is a reasonable man though. Later he hugged me and said, “I’m really sorry it was that hard for you. I actually feel bad about that. I had no idea.” Then he sat me down and asked me more. He said, “There is a reason I didn’t want to go to church, you know.”
I know …
“But this book is your voice,” he said, “and that’s ok.”
Then he said, “You’re a good writer,”
And —
“It was actually quite nice reading about our life ten years ago. Things with the boys… It was kind of sweet..”
I said, “The book will help anyone else who’s walking through any of this stuff. It will help them feel less alone.”
To this he agreed.
So in the end, after a further three weeks of me feeling complex and reluctant I sent the final manuscript to Lynn, saying, ‘Ok, I’m ready for it to be published’. The book’s epilogue contained these words:
“Bryce … is now growing old with me, his hand still holding mine. He has read this book and given his blessing for me to publish it. The story is in my voice and not his. He would tell a different side to some parts in it; but he and I both look back on the crazy memories and hope that this book will help others.”
He is my beloved. My life love and my life partner.
As for you, dear SUMites, enjoy the book, and thanks for all your support.
The Pair-Shaped Promise is available now, on Kindle and in paperback. Order your copy here!
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