During the summer Bible study that Lynn, Ann, and Ian led on the book of Psalms, I wrote a guest blog entitled, King David’s Heart was Like a Pitcher, to show that David poured out all his emotions to God, both positive and negative. (Psalm 142:2) I also told the heartbreaking story of Maria and the hurt she had experienced for many years in the relationship with her mother. Maria was filled with anger, bitterness, hate, and unforgiveness. She presented a modern-day picture of David pouring out all her emotions, although all of hers were negative.
I learned in later years that Maria and her mother went to counseling for a few weeks, and the counselor’s diagnosis changed the way Maria responded to her mother from that point on. As it turned out, in a private session with Maria, the counselor revealed to Maria that her mother was border line paranoid schizophrenia, a mental condition that he described in detail to Maria. He helped her learn ways to cope with the situation, by setting up boundaries to keep out behavior that she would not accept and concentrated on honoring her mother for the “good” person she was in other areas. Forgiveness also played a big part in Maria’s healing from her past relationship with her mother and she started seeing her mother in a different light.
The Bible says, “my people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.” (Hosea 4:6) That brings me to the point in saying that not all our problems in a Sumite marriage or any relationship, for that matter, can be termed as dealing with hard-core difficult people that we would like to throw our hands up and quit. They can possibly be traced to some type of mental health issue, as it was with Maria’s mother.
Unfortunately, much of the lay public is lacking in its knowledge and understanding of mental health, thus causing much heartache when trying to cope with loved-ones. Spiritual discernment and education are the keys to enlighten us and how to respond to it, particularly when we might be faced with it on a regular basis with family members.
A couple of years ago, I took an interest in the study of mental health. After a period of time, from these studies, I summed up my limited knowledge into 4 basic points that opened my eyes, and gave me a desire to want to know more.
- There are many different types of mental health issues, some more serious than others.
- Physical issues should not be treated as more valid than mental health issues. While physical illnesses are easier to recognize and therefore treated upon discovery, mental health issues are often not easily recognizable or validated, and can go untreated.
- Having a mental health issue doesn’t excuse one’s behavior; the one with mental issues is still responsible for their own behavior, thus strong boundaries must be set that may or may not include no contact with the person. It is very imperative to seek the Lord before deciding on no contact at all.
- Some mental health issues call for professional intervention. Herein lies a problem we are often faced with: Not everyone with mental health issues will seek out professional help. Therefore, we may be left on our own to gain knowledge as to how to respond. It is here that noted Christian authors and websites that focuses on psychological behavior can help us understand the situation. And, of course, the Bible is our “go-to” for spiritual guidance for our own fleshly nature as we deal with it.
A Word of Caution:
We should not go around diagnosing all “difficult” people as having mental issues. Also, we should be careful not to be judgmental of their behavior, but ask the Lord for discernment.
Therefore, I encourage you to read, pray, and seek out a trusted Godly support system. God will lead you to information, give you discernment, and help you walk through situations for your own peace of mind and emotional stability. It may not change the other person, but it changes you. Also, never leave out the possibility of a divine intervention by the Lord.
I read a quote some years ago from an author (I cannot recall his name) that I have adapted to when faced with disturbing and difficult relationship struggles. It simply says:
Seek to Understand, not to be Understood.
I would love to hear your thoughts on mental health issues. Have you been faced with it in close relationships? If so, how did you deal with it?
REMINDER: The information shared in this series of posts, Healthy Relationships, is to add to our understanding of our relationships and with some specifics to marriage. The information I share has been vetted to the best of my ability. I may not have the full scope of practices or ministries of which I’ve obtained information or share.
Additionally, many post contain REAL LIFE experiences from our readers here at SUM. We will not judge or criticize anyone here for their experiences. We choose to love and we choose to learn. Because we will find ourselves and our friends within the process of these stories.
Please offer your thoughts and wisdom. We are all on a journey together. Blessings and hugs, Lynn Donovan
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