Around this time of year I find I build up expectations. Expectations of myself and especially of others. Sometimes I recognize the expectations in my heart and there are times I don’t know they exist until they are unmet. These moments are when I find myself awash in disappointment.
I tend to be a tab bit stubborn and still cling to deeply buried hopes. I envision myself holding my husband’s hands, sitting together with heads bowed in prayer. I desire to see my husband wake up on Sunday morning eagerly looking forward to attending church. I have expectations that this Christmas he might read the story of Christ’s birth to my daughter instead of me.
I am sure that every Christian spouse in an unequally yoked marriage also longs for these experiences. We have expectations and hopes. So what do we do with the disappointment when our expectations are not met and hope appears to be crushed?
I think two things have helped me to live through disappointment. When I am utterly broken hearted, frozen in immobility, I can only fall into the arms of Christ. I know I have shared this with you before. I literally cry tears as I pray and I feel the gentle arms of our God surround me. I sometimes pray for comfort for several days. The Lord is always faithful to meet my need. He picks me up. He shows me how to forgive my husband and myself, then to live one day at a time. Eventually, I am able to unfreeze my heart by the divine love of our Savior. It truly is a miracle.
Secondly, I must take every thought captive. I mean this literally. I need to take control of my expectations. When my selfish thoughts stir, I build every sort of expectation. It is inevitable that these expectations always result in regret.
2 Corinthians 10:5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
I release my expectations. For today I am okay my husband chooses to stay home on Sunday. I have genuinely released this expectation. What a difference in my Sunday experience. I no longer feel angry or frustrated with him. My anger in the past only fueled his determination to stay home. Also, I am ashamed to admit this but… I was a poor example of unconditional love.
When I feel disappointment leap into my heart, I take it to the Lord. I ask God to explain how I arrive here and what I need to do differently tomorrow. This change in my character and heart is my hope. I have authentic and realistic hope that my atheist husband will find Jesus. This is where we find glorious and inexpressible joy.
1 Peter 1:8 (New International Version)
8Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy,
I also am not “expecting” my husband to be a drastically different man when he finally comes to faith. It will be a journey. His path is different from mine. I have faith God will answer my faithful prayers in His perfect timing.
1 Timothy 2:3-4This is good, and pleases God our Savior, 4who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.
Surrender expectations to the Lord. His way of accomplishing much in our lives is so much more fun and exciting than our own. Have a blessed weekend. Lynn
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