Spiritually Unequal Marriage

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The Schwarzenegger Rant

(Photo: Reuters / Tomas Bravo) Okay, I’m not really sure where this post is going today but I think I’m about to go on a rant. I am utterly and…

(Photo: Reuters / Tomas Bravo)
Mariaarnoldshwartz Okay, I’m not really sure where this post is going today but I think I’m about to go on a rant.

I am utterly and wholly disappointed and sad over the impending divorce of Arnold and Maria Schwarzenegger. I am outright devastated for the children, and the son of the household employee. I’m devastated for all of them.

It’s a tragedy that continues to play out in an ever growing and ugly fashion. I live in Southern California and it’s the talk everywhere. Are you hearing about it all where you live?

I guess my heart breaks for marriage in general. It grieves me that after 25 years…. NOW it’s a failure. I think I felt this way when Al and Tipper Gore separated after 40 years. But if I have learned anything in these years of marriage ministry, I have learned that the marriage behind closed doors is the real marriage. Often when we observe married couples, we are only viewing their public face, much like watching celebrities. What their real relationship is all about is rarely glimpsed in the public. Would you agree?

What can we learn from this strange turn of events? Can we see that marriage is a union of two people that are not always mature, or wise? They are often selfish and insecure. Can we take notice that a good marriage takes work, trust, and more than anything, constant prayer?

Let this misfortune remind us that we can never stop working on our marriage relationship. We must be intentional to spend time together. To be spontaneous. To love and to honor and to respect our mate.

Okay, your thoughts? Rants? Prayers?

Be blessed, Lynn

Comments

18 responses

  1. James Avatar
    James

    It is within the power of each of us to destroy our marriages. It is true, that Maria could have chosen to forgive Arnold and to stay with him, but as any of you who have gone through a marriage where your partner has “strayed” knows, the sense of betrayal, hurt, and shame you experience is just awful. Living through it in the same household is a nightmare and even with forgiveness, reconciliation is never guaranteed. There’s a long road back to healing and there may never be a complete recovery. The shadow of betrayal remains over the marriage, covering it like a shroud.
    It’s no surprise that many of the marriages that have suffered such a betrayal, even among Christians, end up in divorce. If there are children involved, even if they are too young to know what’s happening, they suffer too, especially from the loss of two loving parents in the home and often, they are used by their parents as pawns in divorce and visitation proceedings.
    Because Arnold Schwarzenegger is a celebrity, we pay a lot of attention to what goes on in his life, which only adds to the stress and feelings of vulnerability the whole family experiences during times like this, but ultimately, he’s only a man like any other man. We should pray for the Schwarzenegger family and for all families who are suffering for one reason or another. We are in no position to judge and we have only one judge. The public will continue to feed on the various scandals in the news, but we must focus on our own lives and on God, lest we fall into similar traps.
    End of rant.

    Reply
  2. Suzigirl Avatar
    Suzigirl

    My marriage has suffered from infidelity on both sides, and it’s been a rough road. We’ve forgiven one another, and have grown, but I really blew my witness as a Believer for a long time. My Hubby was thinking: she’s hiding behind her Bible. She says she’s a Christian but her behavior is anything but.
    I know he’s seen the positive changes in me over the past years as I’ve gotten closer to the Lord, but he thinks it’s just “growing up”, at least that’s what he told me on our last anniversary.
    I’ve also been blowing my witness in the sense that I haven’t been properly meeting all of Hubby’s needs. I’ve been trying harder over the last 10 days or so, focusing first on what he wants me to do as much as possible instead of just letting my “normal” daily duties distract me.
    A friend of mine shared 2 books with me recently that I’ve been reading and God wants me to tell Hubby about them. The first one involves meeting one another’s needs in the marriage to “affair-proof” the relationship, but God wants me to focus entirely on the parts of the book that mention filling Hubby’s needs. The second one is a short, easy read that essentially shares the Gospel in terms Hubby will understand. God wants me to tell Hubby, in essence, “I want to understand you better so I can fulfill your needs, so I’m reading Book A and will share what I’m learning if you want me to. I’d like you to read Book B, just so you can gain an understanding of where I’m coming from. I’m not trying to convince you of anything, and we don’t have to discuss what you read. It’s just for your information.”
    You see, Hubby in the past has seen me reading a book about our being spiritually unequal, and got angry, accusing me of trying to “convert” him. But perhaps, if Hubby agrees to read the book, he’ll get a little closer to God. It’s my heart’s desire as I serve Him. All I can do is obey and trust that God will work it all out; the rest is up to Hubby.
    Please pray that I’ll be obedient in sharing these books in God’s timing, with God’s words, and that I’ll follow through on what I’m learning about Hubby. Thanks so much! Now, off to do gardening before it rains! Blessings to you!

    Reply
  3. Lynn Avatar
    Lynn

    James,
    You are right. And my heart is especially moved by your words for the children. I heard yesterday that their oldest son changed his name on FB to Shriver. Oh the pain and it grieves me that it’s public.
    We aren’t in any position to judge because if any thing I have learned from all these years in marriage ministry is that every marriage is different behind closed doors. Every marriage has problems and at times enormous problems and struggles. But we are all very careful to hide those from others.
    I have seen God overcome all of this though and perhaps in some way we will be allowed to see our Lord work in this family. I am praying for them too. Have a great week. Lynn

    Reply
  4. Lynn Avatar
    Lynn

    Hi Suzigirl,
    I would love to read the books. I bet I have read the first one. His Needs Her Needs, if that is it, was one of the books I read in the early years of my marriage. It had a profound impact for the better on my marriage. Please email me unequalmarriage@verizon.net and let me know what the titles are.
    Suzi, I am so proud of you. Your love for Jesus and for your husband CAN overcome everything. Jesus is the great healer. Never forget… Write me when you have time. Love, Lynn

    Reply
  5. Brenda Avatar
    Brenda

    What I feel as I see this tragedy unfold is how blessed I am to be married to such a wonderful, FAITHFUL man as my husband. I am ashamed by how much complaining I’ve done because the journey hasn’t always been easy. I know it’s different for other folks, and I’ve never had to walk a mile in their shoes and my heart goes out to those hurt so deeply by infidelity. But I can say with confidence that my man is completely faithful to me and that is a real blessing. I need to be more thankful for my man.
    BTW, I wasn’t going to share this, but it seems so appropriate. Yesterday, as an exercise following our pastor’s message, we were supposed to write a note of gratitude to someone. I wrote my note to my husband and one of the things I listed that I am thankful for is his faithfulness to me.

    Reply
  6. Lynn Avatar
    Lynn

    Oh Brenda,
    This is just a beautiful tribute to your husband. I pray his heart is deeply
    touched by your love letter. You have it. You get it…. What a different
    marriage we have when we stop focusing on all the negative and see the real
    blessings and the great qualities in our husbands. Love you girl. Have a
    great week. Lynn

    Reply
  7. Aimee Rekoske Avatar
    Aimee Rekoske

    Lynn like you I am just sad. Sad they have to live their trials in the public eye. Was their marriage could not with stand these trials. I am sad for all of them.

    Reply
  8. Lynn Avatar
    Lynn

    Aimee,
    Hugging you my friend. And I KNOW you really do feel this sad tragedy for this family. See you at church. Love you girl. Have a great week. Lynn

    Reply
  9. tamara Avatar
    tamara

    this is so interesting – to hear from europe how the american public feels. I just read about alan jackson and his family – almost the same thing…only I believe without a child ….the wife was pregnant with the 3 child when he went astray. she gave birth to their 3rd child being separated from alan. now listen ladies: the separation led the wife to faith, she became a believer, through the faith could forgive him and now they are happier then before. God can really make something better…the question: do they want this?
    james wrote above: The shadow of betrayal remains over the marriage, covering it like a shroud.
    well……actually…..the Lord will cover the betrayal and the marriage. Halleluja….He is Good!

    Reply
  10. James Avatar
    James

    To amend my statement somewhat Tamara, the Lord can cover the betrayal in a marriage, but both the husband and wife have to allow him into their hearts and into the marriage for him to do so. In many cases, the hurt and anger are so great, that people find it very difficult to allow God to heal them.

    Reply
  11. Lynn Avatar
    Lynn

    Tamara,
    I guess I didn’t know that the infidelity lead to her faith. Amazing how God works…. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Hugs.

    Reply
  12. Lisa Maria Avatar
    Lisa Maria

    I second everything that James has said. Maria comes from a long line of women who have had faith and remained in unfaithful marriages. The world pities and belittles women who stay with unfaithful husbands, but there is a bigger picture. I want to share with you another blogger’s point of view (hope the link works)http://treasuresfromashoebox.blogspot.com/2011/05/dear-maria-shriver.html#comment-form
    God Bless!

    Reply
  13. kimmer035@gmail.com Avatar
    kimmer035@gmail.com

    Lynn,
    It really struck me when you talked about what you see of people’s marriages on the outside. It reminds me that for example when I go to church without my husband by my side and I look at all of the “happy families” sitting together at church. I long to have that…but just because they appear “happy” at church and are together at church does not mean that they ARE happy. I have so many reasons to feel blessed with my husband…many reasons I think that maybe even matched couples don’t have with each other. My prayers definitely go out to this couple and their family.
    Thanks to you Lynn & Dineen for being such a blessing to me. I love reading your posts. I don’t feel so alone out there knowing that other people are experiencing the same things I am! God bless you both.

    Reply
  14. Lynn Avatar
    Lynn

    Lisa Maria,
    This is a great article you linked us to. Oh how I pray that all of us can
    find the road of forgiveness. Thanks for adding to our conversation. Hugging
    you tight. Lynn

    Reply
  15. Lynn Avatar
    Lynn

    Kimmer,
    Take heart. You are on the right path and there are unique and special
    blessings we receive from God because we are mismatched. Thank you for
    taking time to stop in and for your sweet words. They are a gift. Hugs, Lynn

    Reply
  16. Lynn Avatar
    Lynn

    Here is another great article by Michael Hyatt:
    http://michaelhyatt.com/what-are-you-doing-to-protect-your-marriage.html

    Reply
  17. cheap jerseys Avatar
    cheap jerseys

    It’s no surprise that many of the marriages that have suffered such a betrayal, even among Christians, end up in divorce. If there are children involved, even if they are too young to know what’s happening, they suffer too, especially from the loss of two loving parents in the home and often, they are used by their parents as pawns in divorce and visitation proceedings.

    Reply
  18. Christian Louboutin Shoes Avatar
    Christian Louboutin Shoes

    I have so many reasons to feel blessed with my husband…many reasons I think that maybe even matched couples don’t have with each other.

    Reply

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