Spiritually Unequal Marriage

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Out-Love Your Spouse – Your Ideas

Hi My Friends, Well, I think this post is going to be a little off track and unorganized. For some reason I have another cold and the headache is persistent…

Hi My Friends,

Well, I think this post is going to be a little off track and unorganized. For some reason I have another cold and the headache is persistent today, so I will be brief.

This Friday I'm going to share with you what happens in an ordinary marriage when you put the principals of "out-loving" your spouse into practice. THERE ARE some amazing and unexpected changes that come out of our efforts.

At Kathi's book Club they are sharing ideas on how you out-love your husband. One of the women said, "I also want to make a dry erase sign for the bathroom that says I love you because…. and change the message frequently for him so that he can see all the reasons that I love him."

What a great idea! I'm going to do that as well. So, what ideas do you have or what has worked for you? Can't wait to learn from you and let's help each other out with some ideas to out love, romance, delight, surprise and love on our spouse with intention. Hugs, Lynn

Comments

14 responses

  1. Celia Avatar
    Celia

    I love these posts and ideas about out loving my husband….but….it is so hard to put these into action when most of what I receive is so negative….but….I am going to continue praying about it and continue working my OWN relationship with God.

    Reply
  2. Lynn Avatar
    Lynn

    Celia,
    My friend you are on the right track. In my worst days, I would just run to the arms of Jesus. My relationship with Him had to grow before I could do much more for my husband. It does get easier over time, for most of us. You CAN remain positive because our God is All about living in joy, love, peace, patients, etc. Hugs. Lynn

    Reply
  3. mary ann jacob Avatar
    mary ann jacob

    How does one do this ladies? grow ur relationship with God when you are soo consumed with the negativity in your house,,,attitudes,,,,,no cooperation from family members?

    Reply
  4. Lynn Avatar
    Lynn

    HI Mary Ann,
    There were days in my early marriage that I was right where you are. The
    negative comments, hostility toward my faith were overwhelming. This is the
    time where I would go into my closet and just fall into the arms of Christ.
    Mary Ann I would literally, go into our closet and just pray… Pray and
    pray and pray, "Jesus, just hold me. Jesus come and hold me."
    I would tell Him all about it. I would cry it out and during that prayer
    time, I would slowly but surely feel the arms of Christ embrace me.
    You are in the midst of some powerful spiritual warfare as the devil would
    like you to give up. This is when it is the most crucial to find time alone
    with God. EVERY…. SINGLE….. DAY….. Sit with your Bible. Let God's
    Words of power flow into you. Pray during this time. Ask God what in your
    Word do I need to hear today. Mary Ann, if you have sin in your life that
    God has called you to be rid of. Do it. Breakthroughs come out of time spend
    with God and obedience.
    This is how I overcame those lonely and fearful years. By the consistent
    power of prayer and by the Cross of Christ. God did a miracle in my life and
    He will do it in yours and others. You must do the hard work of prayer,
    fasting and obedience. God will do His part and that's a promise. A promise
    not from me but from God Himself. How amazing is that.
    Look up scriptures about love, joy peace patience, the power of the Holy
    Spirit. Look up scriptures about prayer and fasting. God will surely speak
    some love and peace, courage into your heart, and comfort you. I'm heading
    into my prayer time now and I will be praying comfort and courage over you.
    Love, Lynn

    Reply
  5. Adriana Avatar
    Adriana

    Hi Mary Ann,
    I can relate to at times feeling like I was an island in my own home. I think Lynn’s comment is spot on. These are the times to run to the Father and Jesus for comfort and affirmation.
    Do not be drawn in my the lies of the devil. Be confident of your place as a daughter of the most high God.
    I remember when my husband would get livid if I read my Bible where he could see me or if I got Christian literature or newsletters in the mail or if he got in my car and the radio was tuned to a Christian station. He would accuse me of trying to ram my Christian faith down his throat.
    Early on my first inclination was to argue against this ridiculous lie. Then as I got wiser I came to the realization that I KNEW the truth of my motives and that I was not trying to ram my faith down his throat. I was reading my Bible because I wanted to immerse myself in God’s word…it had nothing to do with my husband. I was subscribing to Christian newsletters because I was interested in what they had to say, not as a “tool” to witness to my husband, and my car radio station was tuned to Christian stations because I found those stations uplifting compared to secular stations and it was not to surprise him when he used my car (he was free to change the station).
    So when he would accuse me of trying to force my faith on him when I was merely seeking to grow in the Lord, I resisted the urge to pursue an argument and I would simply state the truth with kindness and without anger or frustration that I was not trying to force my faith on him, I just enjoyed reading the Bible…or I just enjoyed reading the newsletters…or I just enjoyed listening to Christian radio stations.” I would refuse to allow myself to be baited into an argument. Really there was no reason to enter into argument, my conscience was clear on my motives. I recognized that his feelings were out of his own internal conflict regarding faith.
    Over time my husband saw that I really wasn’t trying to ram my faith down his throat. I was only following my faith as I felt I should. Nothing less, nothing more.
    Nope..I don’t seek to “ram my faith down my husband’s throat”. I KNOW that approach would never work!…But boy do I storm heaven in prayer on his behalf 🙂
    Be kind in your manner my sister but DO grow because it is wonderful to do so! Don’t get lured into engaging the negativity. Leave that problem to God.
    love,
    Adriana

    Reply
  6. Adriana Avatar
    Adriana

    LOL I meant “by” not “my” lies

    Reply
  7. Dineen Miller Avatar
    Dineen Miller

    Beautiful example, Adriana. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. 🙂

    Reply
  8. mary ann jacob Avatar
    mary ann jacob

    thanks ladies but i also need to say that my husband and i also having problems outside of faith issues,,i recently learned thru a marriage book that he is an avoider and i am a pleaser,,,,the more i want closeness and communication between us,,,,the more he avoids it,,,he told me the other day,,,dont ask me any questions,,,i was asking himsomething about our marriage relationship..he avoids looking in my eyes and many other things too lenghty to go into…? is what do i do? even besides the faith issues? he wont go to counseling he wont even talk tome,,he says :everything is fine…do ur own thing and leave me be” how is this marriage…..

    Reply
  9. Adriana Avatar
    Adriana

    Great book Mary Ann if you are talking about the same one I’ve read (How We Love). I’m a recovering avoider with a little mix of pleaser :), my husband is a true blue vacillator. The great thing about that book is that it gives you things to do yourself to bring healing and change within yourself even if your spouse is not willing (so far) to work on himself or on your marriage. Sometimes as we change ourselves it changes the dynamics of our marital relationship for the better and gives our spouses the willingness to work for change as well.
    Love,
    Adriana

    Reply
  10. mary ann jacob Avatar
    mary ann jacob

    yes thats the book im a pleaser and hes the avoider… but im confused,,,,,where is the instructions to change myself? he wont participate already told me no….im a person who needs step by step instructions…i looked thru the workbook and i dont see steps for change? im willing to try changes i think,,,,gotta do something soon
    maryann

    Reply
  11. Adriana Avatar
    Adriana

    Doing the workbook alone, even though it is geared for being done with your spouse can give you insight to attachment issues that may have been a part of your growing up (childhood). Later chapters in the book also talk about how to change.
    Do you listen by chance to New Life Ministries radio program?
    http://newlife.com/
    They are a ministry with a call in radio program (1-800-229-3000) and the author (Milan) of the book How We Love is a frequent co-host. Maybe calling in and talking with them would give you some steps to follow. They also can help you connect with resources in your area to help with your marriage. You know in reading the book that Milan was a pleaser and his wife Kay was an avoider. They could probably offer great suggestions to follow.
    Love,
    Adriana

    Reply
  12. mary ann jacob Avatar
    mary ann jacob

    so can i talk to the authors of the book?
    my computer has no speaker system so i cant listen to the radio program,,, i didnt see much help on changing in the chapters
    maryann

    Reply
  13. Adriana Avatar
    Adriana

    You can try calling the radio program at the number I gave you. I don’t know where you live. I’m in Illinois. They broadcast here at Noon on SiriusXM Satellite Radio channel 131 and also at 1:00pm at WYLL 1160AM. But if you go to their site you can check on their radio site map: http://newlife.com/broadcasts/radio-station-map/ to find when and on what radio station they broadcast in your area. Even if you just call their ministry’s call center 1-800-639-5433, they might be able to direct you to help and resources.
    The authors of the book also have a website and below is their contact page address where they have a phone number.
    http://www.howwelove.com/contactpage.html
    Hope this helps.
    Love
    Adriana

    Reply
  14. mary ann jacob Avatar
    mary ann jacob

    thanks soo much Adrianna..ill try..im in baltimore md,,,

    Reply

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