Spiritually Unequal Marriage

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Let Us Tell You a Story…

There once were two ordinary women who said yes to God and their lives have been an adventure ever since. Yep, that's the story of Lynn and I but the…

There once were two ordinary women who said yes to God and their lives have been an adventure ever since. Yep, that's the story of Lynn and I but the story I really want to tell you is about our publisher, Regal Books (aka Gospel Light).

 

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Lynn and I with our amazing editor, Kim Bangs, who is truly one of the most godly women I've ever had the pleasure to meet and learn from.

Lynn shared some of our adventures visiting them last week on our Facebook page as we met their sales team. Lynn and I were humbled and so blessed to meet this amazing team of men and women who see their jobs as part of their service to God and work tirelessly to bring the messages of the books they represent to stores. We also met the rest of the amazing Team Regal, who has caught our vision for this ministry.

 

Why am I telling you all this? Because Lynn and I can barely put into words what this amazing group of people have come to mean to us. Before we left on Thursday, they gathered around us (we were also blessed to meet two other authors whose work we hope to share with you down the road) and prayed over us, blessed us and made a covenant with us to help support us in our service to God.

They are part of our SUM community and Lynn and I stand in awe of how God has worked in all of this. That's why we want to share it with you, our SUM community because you are an integral part of all of it. You asked us for a Bible study about being spiritually mismatched and we prayed. God opened our hearts to the idea of a book and Winning Him Without Words was born, an unexpected part of the adventure.

And now we will start another adventure, one that includes you, our SUM community. You've asked us about a book about raising kids to faith in a spiritually mismatched marriage. Lynn and I started praying over this idea around the summer of 2011. Then God gave us the go just a few months ago and we brought this idea to Regal too.

That is why we went to visit our dear friends there, to bring God's vision of this book to their sales team so they know what our SUM community is all about.

NotAloneCoverMy dear friends, we are so excited to tell you that Not Alone: Trusting God to Help You Raise Godly Kids in a Spiritually Mismatched Marriage is slated to release next Fall. We have a lot of work to do and we need your help. Which is right and good because you are so much a part of this journey! We need your prayers that we listen faithfully as God gives us the words AND we need your input. Over the next three months we will probably be asking for your stories and thoughts about how we do this-trust God to help us raise Godly kids.

So here is our first question for you:

How has God helped you share your faith with your children and still respect Dad in doing so?

Answer in the comments because you will most likely help other moms as you share with us. So join us in this next chapter of the crazy adventure we call mismatchdom and let's find out where God takes us!

And finally, thank you, thank you, thank you! Lynn and I are so grateful for this community. We are truly just two ordinary women who said yes to God and the rest is all to His glory, praise and a testimony of how God provides when we cry out to Him in our time of need. And the truly beautiful part is that all of this is the overflow of His amazing love. This is what it means to be in a God-loving community. Can you imagine what Heaven will be like?

Thank You, Lord Jesus. This is truly You working with us to bring wisdom, hope, and healing to needs and hurts of others. This SUM community is Your legacy and we say "yes!" to whatever You are calling us to next. Thank you, Abba, we are so very grateful for Your love and grace. Holy Spirit, fill and guide us on this great adventure. We love You, Lord! Amen!

With all our hearts, gratitude and love,
Dineen & Lynn

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Comments

30 responses

  1. Teresa T Avatar
    Teresa T

    Congratulations. I’m not a mom so I can’t answer your question directly but I can pray with you for success of this wonderful book.
    Dear Lord, thank you for the talents and willing hearts of Dineen, Lynn and the team at Regal Books. Give the authors words that serve Your purpose. Let this book help evangelize many. Let it be a blessing to parents and children in SUM families. Let it be a part of strengthening Your church, that we grow in knowledge, discernment, joy, love and service. If it be Your will, also let the book financially bless Dineen, Lynn and the publishers so that they are encouraged and able to continue their mission and service to You. We praise You, Lord, and thank You for this opportunity and time of anticipation. Amen.

    Reply
  2. Heather Passuello Avatar
    Heather Passuello

    Amen!

    Reply
  3. Heather Passuello Avatar
    Heather Passuello

    Like Teresa, I cannot answer your question….yet. But I wanted to let you know I am super excited about this! I’ve been sort of freaking out about this very topic, so I know that I will be blessed by this very much and I will continue to pray for success! Hallelujah!

    Reply
  4. Lynette D Avatar
    Lynette D

    Sadly my son has followed in hubby’s footsteps and wants nothing to do with God. Which makes it hard because when I ask him to not swear or use perverted language or watch horrible tv shows, I am the mean, no fun, prude. And I get those comments from both of them. It really bothers me too becasue I ALLOW it in my home. But I don’t have a choice otherwise I’d be living with two very miserable men. I pray God won’t hold me accountable, even though I am the christian in the home.

    Reply
  5. Cedney25 Avatar
    Cedney25

    I am blessed to have a husband who has allowed me to raise our children with a Godly foundation. Going to church, reading their childrens’ bible and praying before meals is a priority in our house even if my husband doesn’t join in. Of course these rituals are important but I give God all the credit here. Around five years ago He taught me that my children belong to Him as much as I do. I began praying that God would do what He had to do to make my children followers of Christ. God honored this surrender and began to do big things in our lives. It’s opened the door to some amazing conversations between me and my son and even my husband.

    Reply
  6. Gail McKinney Avatar
    Gail McKinney

    My kids are 31 and 28 now and I was always the spiritual head. When the kids were small James used to say things likem “They don’t need church every week” or “Why can’t ya’ll just stay home with me?” I was so blessed to grow up in a Godly home and with 2 Godly parents. I can’t tell you how it hurt to hear the man I loved more than anything say things like that. Then after several years of faithful church attendance James would say to the kids, “Hurry up or you will be late for church”! To me that was a huge success. Unfortunately, it never got better than that. My kids never doubted their earthly father’s love for them because they saw my love and respect for him. He was an awesome father and husband. We lost him in April 2010 but even before that once we empty nested they followed their father’s footsteps into the world. After all the years of raising them in a bible believing church, having devotions at home and telling them of my love for our Heavenly Father, all I can do not is pray for them and cling to Proverbs 22:6.

    Reply
  7. Teresa Pfeifer Avatar
    Teresa Pfeifer

    Sadly, My daughter from being at the church from infancy to about 14 years of age decided to follow her father footsteps as well. I hope through her early years I was able to plant that seed and sometime in the future that seed will start growing. I rely so much on prayer right now for my daughter and husband. I also cling on to God’s truth of Proverbs 22:6 for my daughter.

    Reply
  8. julianne Avatar
    julianne

    Thankyou for the honesty in sharing in the comments above the heartache of a child choosing to walk away from the faith you know they need. I pray right now for His loving and powerful protection over those children, His children, until they choose to return to Him! My children are still teenagers and I cannot report on their faith outcome yet – my earnest prayer above all else in their lives is that they have a close relationship with Him all the days of their lives – only God knows what is ahead! I have not been able to bring my children up in a church community (although I yearn to so much its an almost physical ache). That’s not to say my husband forbade our church attendance. A church community I belonged to when I came to faith (again – I have a prodigal story) 10 years ago were God’s lifeline to me at the time – for about a five year period where I was able to make some firm friends in a small group setting which I have to this day. But the church was filled with imperfections (as most probably are – but in this case these concerned both my husband and myself so much so that I decided it would be healthier for us all to spend our Sundays as a family). It appears there was a season for our attendance at the church and as Sundays were our only chance to be together as a family it did not seem right to continue to put church before family. We don’t read the bible together regularly and I have WORRIED so much about how the children can possibly grow in the Lord without the typical ‘christian’ habits. Most I have tried to enforce have only caused conflict. Even saying grace at mealtimes causes embarrassment when we have visitors. But what I have learnt is that if I look after my OWN relationship with the Lord, the rest follows. My children surprise me how much they have picked up simply through me talking about Him ‘when I sit in my house, when I walk by the way, when I lie down, and when I rise up’. Sometimes I worry they’ll be so sick of me relating every situation to God – but it DOES. Where I have pushed the kids to attend a youth group so they have contact with other Christians, they have resented it, where I have encouraged them to spend more time with Christian family than with non-Christian family members it has also backfired. We tend to have a my family/christian, his family/non-christian struggle – although sometimes polar opposites, both sides of the family are loving and a blessing – and as you’d suspect the non-christian side is often more fun (for various reasons probably less to do with the faith aspect than pure circumstance but satan will use whatever he can I’m sure!) I do regret embarking on bringing up my children ‘as christians’ without specifically asking my husband if he was ok with that – I’m not sure that I would have complied if he’d said ‘no’ but at least if he’d agreed to some extent I would have felt I could be more open about what I was teaching the children – rather than finding myself holding back when my husband is in hearing distance. However I think my main point is – more important than anything I can ‘do’ or orchestrate to have my children brought up as christians is looking after my own walk with God – and the rest will follow. I’m sure that’s a biblical principle – perhaps ‘seek ye first the kingdom of God and all of these things will be added unto you’ works in this case! I am so looking forward to this book and am already encouraged to be able to read other’s experiences and share my own! Thankyou!

    Reply
  9. Tamara Avatar
    Tamara

    How has God helped you share your faith with your children and still respect Dad in doing so
    God gave me a husband that went to sunday school too and had parents that believed in Jesus Christ as their saviour. It wasnt an active-bible-believing home, but they always prayed and did read their bible on a regular basis as well as going to church.
    So….my husband has never repented or wanted to walk with the Lord but he is accustomed to the lifestyle. So when I became a christian, he respected it, in that he allowed me to share, teach, live and be an example for our children what Christ does in my and their lives. I have also always been allowed to invited christian friends and he comes approx once a month to church with me.
    So to summarize what God gave me:
    How has God helped you share your faith with your children
    1 – a husband whose childhood was christian
    2 – a husband who is tolerant of other beliefs other than his
    3 – a husband who doesnt like to be dominated and in so, doesnt dominate
    that is the answer to the first part of the question –
    and still respect Dad in doing so
    well……to be honest, I dont always show respect for dad – when I feel that he is open to the Lord than I am more respectful – but when he enjoys his worldly ways, sometimes I show my distaste openly….
    today I know what is my new years resolution – to learn to love and respect jack even when he is sinning openly……..I personally dont respect jack when he makes wrong decisions – these past few weeks and months /since August / have been hard on my soul – I truly believe God spoke to Jack and he said no. I was angry, disappointed and in shock – I never ever thought Jack would say no. He told me: I dont need that. ok, I said, and then I got bitter, very bitter. Today, I want to let go of my bitterness, and the Lord will help me.
    To answer the above question with another thought:
    I would never stay with Jack if he forbid me to share my faith openly to our children. so – basically it is Gods Grace that I got such a tolerant husband.
    but on the other hand, I feel, it is ignorant of me to believe, God gave me a husband who is tolerant otherwise I would have left him, well, what about all these other women here who have husbands who refuse to allow them to teach and lead the children in faith?
    I dont know why some of us have such kind and fair husbands – others have stubborn ones and others have just plain down and dirty mean husbands – I dont know – I really dont know
    but
    I am ever ever ever so thankful that up to today, all three of our children have accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as their saviour and walk the path with Him. Halleluja!
    I do believe, someday, Jack will accept Christ as his personal saviour before he dies and will confess and testify. Amen
    So I hope and pray God will give me faith enough to stay loyal and true so that I will be able to see this day.
    hugs and blessings Tamara

    Reply
  10. Cedney25 Avatar
    Cedney25

    I wish I could reach out and give you a big hug. It’s true that my husband allows me to raise our kids in church but he is still operating from a sinful nature. He does and says things that I absolutely cant stand and like you, I struggle to treat him with respect. It helps me to remember what I was like before God found me and to remember what it felt like to be lost. Some how it helps me to separate his sinful nature from the creation that God meant for him to be. It’s almost like that old cliche’ “Hate the sin, not the sinner”. I can honestly say that I’ve seen God make huge changes in my man since I let go of my bitterness and anger toward him. For me, it was yet another thing that I had to surrender and leave at God’s feet. Hope that helps ~ Christy

    Reply
  11. Brie Gutierrez Avatar
    Brie Gutierrez

    What a blessing to have this book while raising small children! Thank you Jesus- what an answer to a mother’s prayer.
    My husband is very supportive- he comes with us to church, even stadium Easter services, has promised me when we were engaged that I can raise my children as Christians and he wouldn’t get in the way.
    To answer the proposed question: God has provided Christian women with young children for me. It is also a blessing to b able to stay at home with my 2 year old son. These women I am friends with through our Bible Study and Christian Mom Groups organized by our churches have formed strong Godly bonds and we get together regularly for playgroups and seasonal parties where the kids do crafts and play. We have sung Happy Birthday to Jesus, we pray and study together while the kids play and they pray for my husband. My husband wakes up an hour early so I can drop him off at work with our shared car and meet up with my group. He has kept his promise to allow me to raise my son in a Christian home. Lately, he has asked me questions about the Bible that has prompted me to dig deeper in my knowledge of the Bible. He wants me to have strong answers so I am prepared for the questions my son will ask.

    Reply
  12. Ian Avatar
    Ian

    Congratulations Dineen & Lynn. God is so faithful. Hallelujah.
    Wonderful to read of the Regal team’s faithfulness to you and the SUM ministry.
    Ian

    Reply
  13. Dineen Miller Avatar
    Dineen Miller

    Thank you SO MUCH, Teresa! Amen! So appreciate your prayers for us! Love you!

    Reply
  14. Dineen Miller Avatar
    Dineen Miller

    Thank you, Heather! I know you will be a great mom. Don’t worry, my friend. God will give you all you need and where you need more, He’ll be right there with the rest. God is faithful!

    Reply
  15. Dineen Miller Avatar
    Dineen Miller

    Lynette, you are still being an influence by standing firm in what you participate in. You are being authentic and consistent. On some level they see this. It may even be why they make the comments because deep down they know you’re right. Walk in faith, my dear sister in Jesus! God sees your heart. Love you!

    Reply
  16. Dineen Miller Avatar
    Dineen Miller

    Christy, that’s exactly what we have to do but it’s not easy to let go of our kids and trust God. I think it was easier for me to do that with my husband than my girls! LOL! Thank you for sharing this, my friend. It’s so important and I’m just thrilled to hear that God is doing such great things in your lives. He is so faithful! Love you dearly!

    Reply
  17. Dineen Miller Avatar
    Dineen Miller

    Amen, Gail! Great verse. God is faithful and will bring them back to what you’ve poured into them. He loves and pursues them endlessly! Love you, my friend.

    Reply
  18. Dineen Miller Avatar
    Dineen Miller

    That’s a promise for you and your daughter, Teresa. Those teen years are tough. They go through a time of questioning and wanting to see for themselves if what we’ve told them is true and if we are living it too. It’s part of what they grapple with until they make their faith their own. Your prayers will bear fruit. Be assured of that. A mother’s prayers are powerful and power-filled! Love you, Teresa! Love your heart!

    Reply
  19. Dineen Miller Avatar
    Dineen Miller

    Julianne, I love how you related that verse from Genesis to your children. It truly is about how we’re living our faith in the home. We can’t just depend on the church on Sundays to do this for us. It’s every day and saturates our lives. Every thing DOES relate to God. LOL! You are so right. And they may roll their eyes but it still sinks in. And we won’t look like the typical Christian family or church family. We will be different. That’s okay. We need to give ourselves a break here and realize that God isn’t asking us to all look alike. We have a unique opportunity to show our kids our faith in ways that quite possibly will have deeper and more authentic meaning because we don’t take our faith walk for granted! I hope that makes sense. Thank you, Julianne. Love what you shared and love how you tied in so many biblical truths! Awesome! Love you, girl!

    Reply
  20. Dineen Miller Avatar
    Dineen Miller

    Love you, Tamara! Thank you for being so open and real. Hugging you tight, my friend! Love your heart for God and how you have grown so much in your trust in Him. So beautiful!

    Reply
  21. Dineen Miller Avatar
    Dineen Miller

    Brie, this is so amazing. Truly indicative of God’s presence working your family. Reminds me of how supportive Lynn and my husbands are of this ministry. How could it be anything but God?!?!? Love that your husband even asks questions. That’s what really showed me I needed to be in God’s Word all the time. And I would not have grown as I have without that. Your son will hear those answers and your husband will too. Most of the time we don’t even know we are planting seeds when we are. Thank you, Brie. This is an amazing testimony to your faithfulness to God and His faithfulness to you. 🙂

    Reply
  22. Dineen Miller Avatar
    Dineen Miller

    Thank you, Ian! Merry Christmas, my friend!

    Reply
  23. Txhiatt5 Avatar
    Txhiatt5

    I too had been blessed with a husband that did not stand in the way of our faith. When I was pregnant & deciding whether to get married, he agreed that he would not stand in the way of my raising the children in the Christian faith, and he kept to his word. I am blessed. I watched many friends in home where the husband was very antagonistic and I don’t know what I would have done in a similar situation. Many of them lost heart and gave in to the world.
    My children are still growing in Christ(ages 9, 12, & 16) but when their Dad left this fall, their faith walk remained and even deepened. All have come to their own saving faith in Jesus Christ. I have been respectful of their father’s choice not to come to church and to live in the world. I always felt led to separate what he chose to do and how the Lord instructs us to live in His Word. I told the children they have a choice – to live in the world or to live in Christ, and their are consequences on both sides (positive and negative). They get to choose. I made no excuses for their father’s behavior, but made it clear that he made choices based on his beliefs. They must choose which path to follow — the wide or the narrow. The Lord has been abundantly faithful to reward them when they follow Him and they have seen the fruit. In this way, they have taken over their own faith walk. Which became very clear in wake of their dad’s leaving.
    Prayer tops the list of how to manage a spiritually mismatched home. I heard several years ago (and maybe here) that we can only have as Christian of a household as our spouse will allow. We are still under submission to our husbands (outside of abuse of course) and should honor where they lead as long as it does not go outside of God’s word. I never felt bad about going to church on Sunday mornings as I felt the Lord called me to do. We did stay home on Wednesday nights because I felt led that being home with my husband was what the Lord would have me to do. Upon his departure, that was the first thing we began to do as a family. In fact, it was my children who asked me first if we could now go to Bible Study!
    I often prayed that the Lord would change my husband and consistently the Lord changed my heart to love him. I agree with the comment that our walk with the Lord is the most important. As we follow God, our children can follow our example. Pray, Pray, Pray. The Lord hears our cries. And as many comments have said, the Lord can changed our spouse’s attitude, even before they become believers.
    I still pray for my husband’s salvation & that he will choose Christ before our divorce (or even after), but my hope is in Christ, not in my marriage. Our faith has deepened through the times where we had to rely on God, despite the consequences.

    Reply
  24. Emily Arndt Avatar
    Emily Arndt

    So glad you guys are writing this book! It will be so helpful to so many parents.
    My boys are still pretty young (6,4,and 4 months) so these are great years where they are little sponges and they soak up so much. I’m looking forward to applying your book!
    God has been gracious and like so many of the women that have commented, I also have a husband that was raised in the church (Thank you Jesus I have in-laws that are Christians!) and while he chooses not to have a relationship with Jesus, does not oppose to our children going to church, being taught Biblical truth, praying, reading a devotion at night, etc. I actually have had a gut feeling (and several others have too) for a long time that it will be my children who eventually play a part in bringing my husband back to the faith he had as a child. They already have asked on their own if he would come to church with us. Sometimes I have to smile at God because I’ll come home from being out and my husband, in the process to putting the boys to bed, is reading from their Jesus Bible to them because one of them asked.
    He has told me he feels guilty knowing he is the spiritual leader of our family and he is not stepping up to the position. The Holy Spirit is working on him 🙂 I’m just sitting back and praying!
    When we first got married, my husband did attend church with me but after our 2nd and beginning of our 3rd year, he stopped coming. I have always played the piano in my church’s praise band so I go early and he would often bring the boys later. I knew things were different and were changing when one Sunday he drove the boys the 30 minutes to church and then drove back home. I was super upset and it was that morning that God brought this woman named Anna into my life who is also married to a non-believer (she’s now my mentor!). She told me something that day at church that has always been so helpful. She said that I was the church and had Christ living in me and the hours and days I spend with him are nothing in comparison to the hour and a half he experiences at church. In other words, my impact at home serving and loving my husband is way more powerful than any sermon or song he will sing in church.
    Over the years I would leave for church, made sure I kissed him goodbye, and would never in my actions show him I was annoyed he wasn’t coming with me. It was also very hard because he normally works 6 days a week so the one day he was off, we were gone all morning!
    God is working in his life and for the past 3 Sundays (after years of not coming) he has come to church with us. I do not bring up the sermon or ask him what he thinks unless he engages and brings up the topic first. I’ve learned that unless the Holy Spirit is leading me to say something, I just need to sit back and be patient. God’s got this. 🙂

    Reply
  25. Dineen Miller Avatar
    Dineen Miller

    Oh my sweet friend, I know this hasn’t been easy for you since you shared the start of this in September. You have been so faithful to God and now you are seeing his faithfulness to you! So beautiful! Such a powerful testimony! Thank you for sharing this! Love you!

    Reply
  26. Dineen Miller Avatar
    Dineen Miller

    Oh Emily, tell Anna her words are precious to this community too! Wow! And so are yours. This is how we do this. Exactly. Live our faith faithfully, trust God completely, and love selflessly. So beautiful, my friend. Thank you for sharing and giving us what’s been given to you. Love you!

    Reply
  27. Emily Arndt Avatar
    Emily Arndt

    I realized in my long response I didn’t really answer your question of “How has God helped you share your faith with your children and still respect Dad in doing so?” or left out a few of the things that apply to that.
    One of the things that I do to respect my husband is I never ask him to get out of bed if he’s still sleeping on a Sunday morning to help get the kids ready for church. Not an easy job since they are all young! It’s normally his one morning to sleep in so I try to keep everyone quiet.
    I also don’t bribe my husband to come to church. I want him coming out of his own desire.
    I also don’t make our children going to church with me a non negotiable event. For instance- one Sunday one of my husband’s coworkers invited our family to his child’s birthday party. The party was for Sunday morning 11am-1pm. I needed to be at church but I gladly let my husband take our boys since he wanted too. I want him to know you have the freedom as a Christian to do those kinds of things and obviously your relationship with Christ is not dependent on a strict attendance every Sunday morning!
    So there are a few things to I do 🙂

    Reply
  28. Lynn Avatar
    Lynn

    Amen. I’m so deeply moved myself. Your testimony is filled with the Holy Spirit power of our Lord. Praying every good blessing upon your home this Christmas. Love you, Lynn

    Reply
  29. Dineen Miller Avatar
    Dineen Miller

    Thank you, Emily! Awesome ideas! Thank you for sharing them with us. I know they’ll be helpful! Hugs!

    Reply
  30. Marian Avatar
    Marian

    I am in a similar situation. My 14 year old is moving farther away and won’t even ask or listen to things that she questions. She doesn’t want to hear it yet proclaims confusion and frustration with God. In other words she would rather complain. Her father is a bad model of temper, and other things and I am so overwhelmed but just pray and pray some more while trying to be godly in His strength.

    Reply

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