Spiritually Unequal Marriage

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An Astonished Chronicles of a Humbled Donovan

Hi My Friends,  I feel like I’ve been away on a long trip. So much has transpired since my last post where I told you I was about to wash…

Hi My Friends, 

I feel like I’ve been away on a long trip. So much has
transpired since my last post where I told you I was about to wash my husband’s
feet. My daughter’s graduation was amazing and the kid just makes me smile. She
graduated with honors, 444 hours of community service, two scholarships and
with her sanity and more than that -with her faith still intact. I feel like I
graduated as well. 

What a rich blessing this thing….. “Motherhood.” 

 

Imported Photos 00061

Caitie and my son, Brad

Caitie is my youngest child and I suppose it’s likely true
with most moms, when your youngest graduates you spend some time reflecting.
And as I think about the fears I faced as a young mother, some of them I shared
in the last chapter of Winning Him Without Words, I just want to stand up and
shout to the world…. OUR GOD IS FAITHFUL!!! (I shared the whole story here) 

 

I prayed so much for my children throughout their lives and
today, this very week, God has allowed me to witness the fruition of my humble
motherly prayers. And I’m watching God fulfill them in both my son and my
daughter. And they are bearing fruit after years and years in the very same
week. I will tell you more about these developments at a later time. 

But today, let me tell you what happened when I went to wash
my husband’s feet. If you need to read the precursor to the story, click here,
Chronicles of a Humbled Donovan. 

My husband arrived home tired as I expected and after
unpacking, dinner and dawning of our PJ’s, we sat down on the couches in our
usual places to watch the evening news. As I’m sitting there pretending to
watch the news, I’m growing more and more uncomfortable thinking about actually
washing his feet and even more fearful to talk with him about his feelings. 

I almost changed my mind. 

However, I gathered my courage and God whispered to me, “Lynn,
just make this light-hearted.” So I stood up and moved to sit on the other
couch next to my husband. I decided as I sat next him and cuddled into his
shoulder that the actual washing of feet might be too much. After all, my
husband knows a lot about the Bible and how Christ washed the disciple’s feet
and more than anything I didn’t want my man to think I'm manipulating him or was
practicing some ritual or that I am disingenuous. 

I simply picked up one of his feet and said, “I’m just going
to rub your feet.” So as we watched the news I removed his socks, rubbed his
feet, applied lotion and finally returned him to his socks. Then I became
completely uncomfortable. How do I start this conversation? Actually what
transpired next was my fumbling about with a few words but I started the
sentence. 

I paused the news broadcast and then….. 

I remember saying something about how I may have withheld a
portion of myself out of stupidity and selfishness because of our early years
of pain. And that I’m truly sorry. And I asked him, “Do you feel that I haven’t
loved you or that you haven’t felt loved in the way you need?” 

Let me tell you that asking a question like this takes a ton
of courage but I’m in a place with my Lord to receive whatever answer comes
because I honestly want to love this man better. 

He replied, “No honey, I really feel loved by you.” 

Wow, so much better than I expected…….

 —– 

My friends, I wonder if you are like me? Perhaps we are
doing a better job at this marriage thing than we give ourselves credit. After
all, we have the Master of the Universe walking every minute with us. Loving
us. Teaching us. Loving through us. If God is in our house, then love is
lavished upon all that reside there. (1 Corinthians 7:12-14 – read this today
and let it fill you up.) 

I love you. Now I leave you with a question. Is it time to
wash your spouse’s feet? 

Have an amazing day living in The Presence. Hugs, Lynn

Comments

30 responses

  1. Lynette D Avatar
    Lynette D

    I think we do tend to beat ourselves up. We have so much pressure put on us, from the world, and dare I say even the church that we must be the perfect Prov 31 wife. I haven’t washed hubby’s feet, he’d probably think I was whacked if I did. But when I did make him a coffee and give him a kiss the other day, (which I often) said I love you, and he looked at me and smiled and said, ‘yes, you do!’. Things are changing, slowly, but they are changing.

    Reply
  2. Lynn Avatar
    Lynn

    TypePad HTML Email
    Amen… Lynette… Things change and God always starts with us. Amazing how that works. Love you girl. PS. Will email you later. Hugs. 

    Reply
  3. Heather Passuello Avatar
    Heather Passuello

    Wow! What a great response from your husband! Asking those types of questions are so difficult and receiving what your spouse has to say can be even more challenging! I recently asked Joe a question similar to that and he really didn’t feel comfortable answering. I am grateful for you sharing your life with us! Be blessed!

    Reply
  4. Liz Avatar
    Liz

    God used the original post as a blaringly obvious confirmation of what he was already telling me to do. That same day prior, God kept bringing up this specific time and saying over and over to me you didn’t wash his feet, you didn’t wash his feet. Feeling helpless and exasperated as this was in the past and I couldn’t change it-I told God I couldn’t take it anymore and if he wanted me to wash my husbands feet just tell me! Later that night I read Lynn’s post. I prayed about it and asked God if he really wants me to do that He will have to open up the opportunity because my husband and I are separated, and not seeing eachother. After ‘sleeping on it’ the next day I wrote my husband an email apologizing for never rubbing his feet for him our entire marriage, when he would so willingly rub mine whenever I asked. And I told him although the moment has past I wanted him to know that I would like recipricate and rub his feet for him. By far the most humbling statement ever, and extremely awkward considering we are in the midst of divorce. So I did my part of apologizing and offering, and left the rest to God. To my astonishing surprise exactly a week after God told me to wash his feet, my husband and I had to go to the DMV together to switch our car titles and registration, and ended up spending the day together, and sure enough at one point my husband states “So you said you wanted to rub my feet…” Thankfully my husband was not looking at me at the time because I am sure my jaw dropped. So God answered my prayer and gave me the opportunity to rub my husband’s feet (who is currently divorcing me)and it was by far the most humbling experience of my life. Although we signed divorce papers yesterday (3-6 months before they go through), God is certainly still moving!

    Reply
  5. Sue T Avatar
    Sue T

    You never know what God might do with that act of service & love, Liz. Stay close to Him & watch things happen!

    Reply
  6. Heidi Avatar
    Heidi

    Lynn,
    That is such a sweet story, I just knew it would turn out well. I also believe that his mind has been re-listening to those words over and over because they fell on his heart so sweetly. I’ll bet when he is eighty he’ll still think fondly of both your actions and your words that. Anxious to see what that seed sows. I hope I can someday be that humble, as I’d posted on your original blog I’ve a little struggle with this but am working on it. By the way what an awesome story of faithfulness of you and God; with your daughters graduation and the growth in your children, well done Mom!
    Love ya sister!

    Reply
  7. Martha Avatar
    Martha

    Now that’s a story. I sat clued wondering where it was going. And I think I am not through yet seeing where it is going. Wow!

    Reply
  8. Martha Avatar
    Martha

    Lynn, so proud of your children with you, and so proud of you – -it is like you graduated, and now seeing the fruit of your labor. Now about those feet – – let’s just say I am not there. I haven’t felt the nudge, but I am open. I can see where it would be a very humbling experience in just asking.

    Reply
  9. Dineen Miller Avatar
    Dineen Miller

    Amen! Love that piece of Scripture. Love you too, girlie! Hugs!

    Reply
  10. Gillian Avatar
    Gillian

    Same thing here… Who knows? Right now w your message Lynn, and what God spoke to me I’m just focusing more on serving him and when I can taking care of his needs before my own 🙂

    Reply
  11. Joanne Avatar
    Joanne

    That’s CUTE! Got a giggle from your hubby’s humour Lynette. I think you may be on to something. Even if we don’t wash their feet, which may be just as uncomfortable for them as it is for us, doing many nice things through the day would make the same impact…maybe even more since it would be something they appreciate and be comfortable with other than having their feet washed? Even though we know personally what this means in our faith.

    Reply
  12. Joanne Avatar
    Joanne

    What an amazing story Liz! I smile tenderly at reading all this and feel God is still at work in your divorce?? Unbelievable. Your story isn’t over yet and I am very interested to keep hearing how God works each day for you both. Lord Jesus I pray You continue to make Your presence known in this relationship that certainly is not dead but just in an uncertain place right now as You continue to control everything that is not seen…yet. Amen

    Reply
  13. Teresa T Avatar
    Teresa T

    I rub or wash my husband’s feet every now and then. He likes it along with head scratches and back rubs. These are just part of our lives. He brings me hot tea in the mornings. I don’t think about being humbled. It is just loving.
    Your kids are beautiful . You are blessed.

    Reply
  14. Joanne Avatar
    Joanne

    Maybe if we can’t summon up the courage to wash feet God will help us work our way up to that at a more comfortable time in the near future. For now I think I am going to work on the little things that I know would please my husband and make him smile. I think we have to remember that all good works are empowered by God. No matter how uncomfortable we are I think we will always be surprised at what God makes happen?

    Reply
  15. Joanne Avatar
    Joanne

    Yes Gill! “His needs before my own” That’s it. Baby steps up to the foot bath!

    Reply
  16. Joanne Avatar
    Joanne

    Congratulations on the Donovan Clan Graduation! A family event for sure. What a beautiful day God blessed you all with. Caitie is such a cutie!! (((HUG)))

    Reply
  17. Joanne Avatar
    Joanne

    OK. I’m thinking I just got told by Jesus?! Maybe ignore my suggestion of easing into washing feet with little loving gestures and just go straight to washing. Reading Max Lucado’s ‘Just Like Jesus’ and what is the first thing I read after commenting here with my Sumites?….Of all the times we see the bowing knees of Jesus, none is so precious as when He kneels before His disciples and washes their feet.
    OUCH! Hear and obey. Gonna have to seriously move on this.

    Reply
  18. Liz Avatar
    Liz

    Martha, I must tell you your post the other day, God used to speak to me. It sounded kinda silly in my head so I wasn’t so sure but after the fact it makes more sense. He said this is what I am going to do for you. This time your miracle is that you are going to be hit by a mack truck and keep on going. Of course the truck being figurative of signing the divorce papers. But let me tell you, after we signed the papers…we ran an errand for my husband and ended up going to a late lunch and the movies. And we have plans to spend this Monday together as well. I can’t say I know whats going to happen with our divorce, but I definitely feel like I hit a Mack truck and kept on going, without a scratch on me.

    Reply
  19. Liz Avatar
    Liz

    Thanks Sue, I hope your right I’m believing for big things 🙂

    Reply
  20. Liz Avatar
    Liz

    Thanks Joanne, I could go on for hours telling all the unbelievable things I have seen God do in myself and my marriage over the last year and a half through our separation. To Him be all the honor and glory. I just have such peace and trust knowing that God is in control no matter how things look in the natural good or bad.

    Reply
  21. Liz Avatar
    Liz

    Haha Joanne, I think it is something you have to feel out and do whats best for your specific case. That doesn’t mean shrugging off what God tells you to do, but I know if I told my husband I wanted to wash his feet, it would come off more offensive, implying his feet are gross and dirty (which I have unfortunately done in the past). So for me I knew what God meant…make up for all those foot rubs.

    Reply
  22. Lynette D Avatar
    Lynette D

    I have to say that there are some things I won’t do for hubby as it makes him feel inadequate. I see as serving, he sees it as him not being good enough. That’s when knowing our husband comes into play.

    Reply
  23. jennifer b. Avatar
    jennifer b.

    Ladies, I am so proud of you that you listened to God and humbled yourselves and washed your husbands feet. I am learning so much from you all. Liz, I am also curious to see how this act will change your husband. Let God carry you through this painful time.:)

    Reply
  24. jennifer b. Avatar
    jennifer b.

    Lynn,
    You are right…God is faithful! We must believe and trust that he will bring our husbands and kids to Christ. I have a prodigal daughter who wants to run her life off a cliff. My husband and I are trying to stop her but she will not listen. But I am giving all my fears to Jesus and I am going to trust him that my daughter will eventually turn around. Praise God, he is faithful!

    Reply
  25. Heidi Avatar
    Heidi

    I agree 🙂

    Reply
  26. Carmen M Avatar
    Carmen M

    Thank you!! I have been on vacation and dealing with getting a new car, that I had not made time to come to the SUM site!! I missed you ladies.
    As I read this blog and the accompanying links, it was AWESOME. It further opened my eyes to understand Marco. I know he was not loved as he desired. And I was not either. But I “expect” him to love me and fill me with all the love I never received as a child. He doesn’t have it in him either. He cannot give me something he doesn’t comprehend.
    I on the other hand, know the Love of Christ, know the unconditional, heart and soul love of my savior.
    WOW! I really need to love this man.
    It may be hard be ause of past hurts, but with Jesus’ strength, I know I can take this on.
    Thank you Lynn for sharing!!

    Reply
  27. Carmen M Avatar
    Carmen M

    Thank you Lynn for this post. It really ministered to my heart. It opened my eyes to see that I need to truly love my husband and to show him that I do. That I need to stop expecting him to love me the way I feel I “deserve” to be loved, because I know he doesn’t know of this kind of love. Though I didn’t get much love and affection growing up, I now have the unconditional, heart and soul touching love of Jesus!
    And that is the live that I need to show my Marco.
    Thank you again for sharing with us!

    Reply
  28. Liz Avatar
    Liz

    I didn’t really even consider it as changing anything for my husband(although I don’t limit that He can use it), it was definitely a humbling work that God needed to do in me. I think even in a healthy marriage, especially for SUM’s its a challenge not to get a bit of a proud or self-righteous spirit thinking we are doing everything right God’s way (or atleast trying to) while our spouses aren’t.

    Reply
  29. tamara Avatar
    tamara

    Lynn – I really was touched about: 1 that you knew “how” you wash your husbands feet – and 2 to ask the important questions and listen to the answer and 3 God told you: it is good.
    be blessed Tamara

    Reply
  30. Martha Avatar
    Martha

    Oh I love that illustration of being hit by a mack truck (divorce) and keep on going. It is amazing to me the peace you have through this. I will say again, “I think we are not through seeing where your story is going.”

    Reply

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