Spiritually Unequal Marriage

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Devastating Disappointment

How do we walk through devastating – life-changing disappointment? I’ve been wrestling with this very issue in my life over the past two weeks.  For the past year I’ve been…

DisvalHow do we walk through devastating – life-changing disappointment?
I’ve been wrestling with this very issue in my life over the past two weeks. 

For the past year I’ve been certain that my spouse has
slowly moved closer to embracing faith. I’m not even sure why I came to this
conclusion over time. Perhaps I interpreted subtle comments or gesture for more
than they were intended. That was until a week ago when suddenly, as if from out
of nowhere, I was hit with a Mac Truck of realization. He hasn’t. 

A Mac Truck can level you. Ouch!

Living in these very real moments and seasons take every bit
of my faith to rise up and keep walking. I think over the past two weeks I’ve
lived through the five stages of grief….. at least twice. And for all of us who
are hoping and believing for the salvation of your spouse, a dose of realism
can wreck you. At least that’s how I’ve felt recently. 

My reality came in an instant where after almost nine months
my husband decided to attend church with me. I’m at a point where I really
believed that I no longer held expectation or hope about my husband and church.
And that morning as we stood in the row while the worship band played, I
discovered I did have hopes and expectations. This realization dawned upon me
the moment my hope was crushed as I watch him posture himself in his angry
stance, the typical stance I’ve seen so many times before. And then later in
the day when I asked him about the message, his comment was so hurtful, I can’t
write it here. 

365 days of hoping, prayer and believing came crashing down
upon my tiny heart. My husband doesn’t believe and from his comment it appears
he never will. Ugh!!!! 

When we, spouses of unbelievers, face this devastating
disappointment, we wrangle with some very familiar questions. And we wrestle
with them throughout our marriages because we are a people of great hope. It’s
our nature to be hopeful because we believe in a Great Big God. We hope. 

The questions we have to bring back out of the past and muse
over again and again are questions we hate to ponder. Questions I’ve asked God
are: Why? How was I deceived? Am I going to live in a marriage like this for
the rest of my life? God I know you hear my prayers but why aren’t you moving? And
if we are truly honest we stare down the road of the years ahead and our heart
aches because we may never have the intimacy we desire with our spouse because
of our faith differences. 

I’m writing to you in my pain. I want you to know that I
have an astonishing love relationship with God but there are moments when living
in our everyday, ordinary are challenging, hope-crushing and painful. But I’ve
learned a few things through the years that I need to remind myself about and I
pray they bring encouragement to you, who are also feeling pain about your
mismatched marriage. 

The way through the pain is to reach out to others in
theirs. 

It’s in the pain – we can KNOW- truly know God. It’s in the hurt-
we can truly bless others. It’s in this way where we reach out to others and we
will see God. He picks us up and restores our hope and we can live authentically
in joy. 

So for today, I’m reaching out. And I’m holding you who are
hurting. Those of you who think no one knows how you feel. They don’t see the loneliness, the hurt. I see you and I love you. And I know that our God feels our pain. He
sees us and He asks us to press in closer into Him. 

I ask that you leave me your name because I’m determined to
take you with me to the throne room today seeking a fresh anointing of grace,
hope and joy. I love you. I really love you… From an ordinary woman who truly
knows your pain, Lynn 

Lord, Our Almighty God, 

Today I declare that this life-altering disappointment no
longer holds power over the people of this community. I decree and announce
that the enemy will not use our setbacks to steal away ground we have fought to
take through perseverance and relentless prayer.

Lord, reach into our homes and
restore your gifts: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
gentleness and self-control. Today, I choose to take my pain and to press into
you, seeking your wisdom and discernment for my marriage and my relationship with
my spouse. Answer my questions kindly and satisfy my heart. Restore my hope and
let me walk like a giant again in your power and authority. In King Jesus name.
Amen.

Comments

90 responses

  1. Lynette D Avatar
    Lynette D

    Lynn, so sorry you are hurting. I have been there many times in my marriage. I know God sees. But if I may also add some encouragement; I know that since I have made that decision to do whatever God wants me to do, and came to the realization that no matter what happens, I have God Almighty in my life, and He can still use me in ways I couldn’t imagine. In my opinion, God has taken the disappointments and turned them around and used them to bless me in mighty ways. Yes, it still hurts me to see my husband reject God. But, because of his unbelief, I was blessed to be introduced to this community, which is what started this amazing journey I have been on the last few months. What the devil intended for bad, God has turned it out for good. I still hope for and pray for His salvation, but it is no longer the most important thing in my life. Thank you for being real and honest and sharing your life with us. Love you.

    Reply
  2. Jen Avatar
    Jen

    Praying with you Dear Sister.
    I use to want to flip out & shake him to see all that he is missing by denying God (sometimes I still feel that way), but lately I have been reminded of the seeds that are planted…the little things here and there that he hears that I know makes him think/question. The small changes that have been happening in him, not necessarily bringing him closer to accepting Christ, but bringing him closer to the kids and I. Set backs will happen, but it’s always darkest before the dawn.
    Lynette hit the nail on the head, as did you, without this mismatch…we would not be part of this community & this community has helped me (and I dare say all of us) to grow closer to God…Thank you for loving us through your pain & being transparent..Hugs!

    Reply
  3. Jenny Avatar
    Jenny

    Lynn,
    Thank you for sharing your heart honestly with us. The questions you typed I have asked many times myself, so I DO know how you feel, as I’m sure most of us here do. I know the same heart wrenching pain and discouragement you feel and am only in a better place when my eyes are focused on Him.
    Your words spoke to my heart today. Know I will be praying for you. And thank you in advance for the prayers I know you pray for all of us who are hurting too.

    Reply
  4. Julianne Avatar
    Julianne

    Love to you Lyn – I’m hearing you and know the pain of shattered hope – how hard it is to love someone so much and at the same time to be so alienated from them! Love love

    Reply
  5. Joanne Avatar
    Joanne

    God has me walking in your shoes at such a time as this Lynn. Beautiful prayer my sister and I too am hugging you tightly!!
    I was going to send a PM but I decided, no. I am going to be real here. Maybe someone else needs to hear what I have to share this morning?
    I too was leveled by a Mac this weekend. I still am hanging onto Jesus in my grief and now an added stab to the heart that was trying to heal.
    I used to drink too much wine in the evenings because that is basically my husband’s regimen which I have to fight against the pull into his wake. As my faith grew I desired better choices and have been much stronger in my fight…until this weekend. I failed to avoid the wake and we got into our “debate” of God’s existence. UGH! This always ends ugly and so I prayed (while satan whispered in my ear that God doesn’t hear prayers from people who drink too much wine) for much wisdom and strength and peace in this conversation. If “they” don’t even try to give God a chance then they really don’t need Him…until the last minute or worse, it’s too late.
    With EVERYTHING I know now and the proof God has shown me especially at times of grieving, no one can EVER persuade me with their argument that God is not real. It’s for that reason I keep dusting myself off and focus back on the cross again!
    David was quite happy to debate and actually enjoyed?? our “discussion” but because I know what I know I felt sorry for him. I felt physically sick to listen to some of the words he said knowing full well that if he doesn’t acknowledge God and repent he will be damned for saying things he said. I truly am feeling the reasons why we are not to marry mismatched persons but I also can see quite plainly how God brought David into my life and I know my reason is, as Hero’s reason was, to bring David into the Light for his salvation.
    These days getting really close to God is the only time I feel my soul, lighter.
    My thought this weekend was, “Here I am trying to convince people with my testimonies of how real God can be in their lives but I am having to grab my happy face mask before I walk out my door?”
    I am thankful for this community and that we share and help one another in Christ. I have been cutting ties with friends which I struggled with but I desire so much to talk about Jesus and quite frankly I hear myself sounding like an alien when I talk with friends who can’t truly grasp the deeper meaning of this all. I know we’re supposed to be the light in this dark world that leads the lost to their Father but man oh man….my battery needs charging because I truly don’t feel fully powered these days.
    I am praying for us all who need His power to strengthen our light!
    I personally am going to recharge by digging into His word!
    LOVE you all!!

    Reply
  6. Lee Chenier Avatar
    Lee Chenier

    Lynn,
    My prayers are with you and I feel your struggle-since I know something about it. But… if he wasn’t feeling something, I don’t think his comment would have been hurtful or cutting- I think it would have been the usual non-committal remark. I know the despair and hopelessness that I feel in my own struggle with an unbelieving spouse but I think sarcasm is just covering the condemnation and pain in their own life. Remember how God drew us back… I know He came after me in a constant way. Imagine our husbands dealing with that after all they’ve said against it… Again, I’m not dismissing the pain- it hurts- but all we have are the promises of God and we know his power to bring the lost to him.
    Lee

    Reply
  7. Michele Avatar
    Michele

    Lynn,
    Your words, through your pain, were like a salve to my soul. In my marriage, things have not gotten better, nor worse. However, my husband’s drinking has increased at an alarming rate, and if his blood tests from 6 weeks ago, (which are to be repeated today) are any indication, his drinking is taking a very deadly toll on his body. More importantly, through the course of his alcoholism (which is nearing its endstage, unless he quits drinking), his heart has been hardened to the Lord. I was feeling hopeful, because there were Sundays if I slept in a bit later than usual, he would wake me up and ask if I was going to get myself and the kids ready for church; then in the same breath he would admonish me to turn down my Praise music.
    I am exhausted at keeping up the front and trying to maintain normalcy for myself and the kids; but I also believe God has not opened any doors for me to walk out of this marriage (even if only temporary). So here I am until whenever. I am so thankful for having stumbled upon this community nearly 2 years ago. I do not post often, but I do lift the members and their families in prayer daily. Thank you for your honesty.
    Michele

    Reply
  8. Heather Passuello Avatar
    Heather Passuello

    Oh Lynn! I am so sorry that it seems like Mike will never embrace Jesus. I just want you to know that I feel in my spirit that maybe the reason Mike is saying hurtful things and making it seem that he will never believe is because God is speaking things in his life and he’s just scared. Scared of change and of leaving certain things behind. Keep pressing in to His great and powerful love. It will be ok. Just remember that there are times when we all say things we don’t really mean. It could be a lack of understanding or again, that we are scared. Praying for you…

    Reply
  9. Gail McKinney Avatar
    Gail McKinney

    I hate when a sister in Christ hurts because of what her man says about her faith. You’d think if they love us they would so want what we have. I, too, experienced said pain many times in my marriage. And so when my James passed away with out professing Jesus as Lord I found myself grieving double, one for the loss of my soul mate and again for the apparent lack of his salvation. Early in our marriage over 32 yrs ago he told me he was saved as a child. But in the 31 yrs we were married I never saw evidence of his salvation. I pray now every day that he truly was saved and I will one day see him in Heaven. The most important thing I learned in my SUM marriage was that I needed to make sure my salvation was secure. Even as much as I longed for James to walk in faith along side me I had to make sure I took care of Gail. I’m praying for all SUM-ites every day. Some of my closest and dearest friends are among us.

    Reply
  10. Beth Allman Avatar
    Beth Allman

    Oh my friend!! What a wonderful inspiration you are. Praying for you and all our sisters. HOPE.
    LOVE, Beth

    Reply
  11. Marvie Avatar
    Marvie

    Lynn I feel the words you spoke today came directly from my own heart. I do understand your pain and somehow it brings peace and hope to me, and I’m sure other Sumites, because we are nite alone I. This battle for our spouses. God WILL restore ALL that has been stolen from our marriages and I will NOT stand on anything else but God’s very own words that He will restore! Thank you for standing in the gap for me as I do the same for you and many other crushed spouses.

    Reply
  12. Alisa Barton Avatar
    Alisa Barton

    I remember ugly words my husband has uttered…I would step away from him, just incase God decided to stike him with lightening…I remember the last Choir special the kids had at church…he went…but he was angry the whole time, would not speak, look at or touch me….then there would be good days…a roller coaster of hope and disappointmnet. I ask the same questions, is this how my whole married life will be? Will he never accepct God’s love for him?

    Reply
  13. Alisa Barton Avatar
    Alisa Barton

    Praying for you…I grew up with a alcoholic step father. All I wanted as a girl, was to grow up, get married have a house full of kids, and live happily ever after. I was sure that we be easy, since I would be out from under my step father…boy was that a crazy dream..now with a non believing spouse, I just about raise my three kids alone…just never saw this for my future. But God is showing me that this can all be for His good….

    Reply
  14. Gillian Avatar
    Gillian

    Oh Lynn! I feel for you and I’m so glad you are sharing these hard truths with us, who are still walking the earliest stages of this unequal yoke. There is so much we can all learn from each other and I’m sitting here in tears of both sadness and joy, because I don’t know what I would do without this group here, most of the time things go smoothly enough, life goes on and we have friends, and then all of a sudden the loneliness sets in, a passing comment that isolates us, a struggle we can’t seem to overcome, or even for seemingly no reason at all, like when things are going well overall, and God IS moving, and still, still we feel this ache and it feels like we’re all alone. It’s so good, not to be alone.
    Life has been so crazy, mostly good crazy (moving can be both a blessing and a curse) but crazy none the less, for the last close to 2 months and some days it’s all I can do to remind myself that I trust God and what he’s doing, and to just keep walking. I don’t even seem to have a moment to check in with the people around me, I just keep walking along as life moves too fast around me, and then so much has happened I don’t know where to start, and some days I don’t even know how I got there.
    This post kind of got a way from me and I’m sure I wanted to say more, I hope to make it back and read the rest of the comments and be part of it, but sometimes it’s all I can do to leave a comment and check back later… It will be ok, all is grace and the best is yet to come. Hang in there fellow SUMites!

    Reply
  15. Karla Avatar
    Karla

    For the second time in as many days the phrase that “God will restore all that has been stolen from our marriage” has been presented to me. This gives me hope. Lynn, as others here have said, I know how you feel and have asked the same questions of my marriage. Praying for you in your time of hurt, and praying for all other SUMites in this community.

    Reply
  16. Heather Avatar
    Heather

    Lynn,
    Thank you so much for opening your heart to us. As sad as it is, it’s comforting to know I’m not crazy for feeling this exact same way! I just sat here and sobbed for the longest time after reading this. It feels like such a roller coaster ride. Just when I feel things are getting better, that we’re making baby steps, BOOM, the dip comes and we’re back down, only to start the long slow climb up again, and sometimes the climb up seems to take longer and longer.
    Praying for everyone here. Our God is good! And I have to be the first to admit, when things are good, I seem to stray from being as close to God as I’d like. I have to wonder if these dips aren’t to bring me back where I need to be???

    Reply
  17. Brie Gutierrez Avatar
    Brie Gutierrez

    Dearest Lynn,
    Every word you’ve written about the hope, the disappointment, the pain and the longing I feel right there with you.
    I sat at church last night watching these men talk about taking their wives on the marriage retreat and how they need to be leaders in the home. But, it still didn’t stop me from praising our Lord, singing with my hands above my head and taking notes like I was in school again. Its so hard, Lynn. Thanks for sharing your heart with us – we are all in it together and going through it too. I just can’t imagine anyone living life without God.
    We are the light and have to continue to shine in our homes. I always have to remember: Matthew 5:14 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”
    And, I always always keep this verse close to my heart:
    Romans 8:39
    “Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
    We can never give up. We can’t lose hope. Our husbands are our mission fields. We have to put the armor on everyday. And, we can delight in our Christian bonds with our family members who are Christian, our SUMite group and church family. I know God gave me a family of believers because my husband isn’t. Love you sister.

    Reply
  18. Tina Linder Avatar
    Tina Linder

    Thank you for being soo real I try to remember how short this life is compared to eternity I pray our someone will speak or be like Jesus put those people in their paths as well as 1 Peter 3 they be won over by our fearlessness and confidence in the Lord (soo paraphrased)and we too could be the one possibly that someone has been praying for, to show love to and/or witness to their loved one that they have been praying for

    Reply
  19. Gillian Avatar
    Gillian

    Thank you for sharing, several things you mentioned resonated with me, especially this one: “quite frankly I hear myself sounding like an alien when I talk with friends who can’t truly grasp the deeper meaning of this all.” I have felt this before too!

    Reply
  20. Gillian Avatar
    Gillian

    The darkest hour before dawn, yes indeed. Such an important truth to help us keep perspective, God alone sees the big picture!

    Reply
  21. Marlene Avatar
    Marlene

    Thank you Lynn, for being vulnerable and opening your heart. Praying for you… What an inspiration you are!
    God is good! And He will help each one of us, in the good times, but more importantly, He is there when we struggle.
    While facing personal heart wrenching set-backs, God has reminded me over and over again, His grace is sufficient, and ultimately He is in control.
    Praying for all Sumites, and everyone standing/waiting for their marriages to be what God has designed marrigae to be. Amen.

    Reply
  22. tamara Avatar
    tamara

    my dear lynn – my arms are now around you – please hug me too – and we are standing with our faces turned to Jesus – and he has our faces in His hands – he crys with us and is now hugging us – and we stand still, tears flowing down our cheeks and He is wiping our tears, and we are peaceful, in His grace and love. I love you Lynn and God loves you and me too. Amen

    Reply
  23. Ronda Avatar
    Ronda

    Michele, thank you for sharing. I too live with a now nonfunctioning alcoholic nonbeliever. He has quit 2 really good jobs in the last 6 yrs. I can’t take it any more. I, along with my Pastor, believe it is time to create a crisis so I have asked him to get help or we will have to sell our home of 23 yrs, which he dearly loves. So fare he says he will not change and looks like I will walk thru this. I know im not alone. God has been my strenght and would not still be in this marriage if it wasn’t for Jesus. My heart hurts so bad for him and there are lots of people praying for him. This has got to be the most difficult thing i have ever had to do because this home is where i raised my children and I love it but i know my true home is in Jesus and He will guide and stengthen me thru this. Please pray for clear direction and the strength to walk thru it. My Jesus is my all in all.

    Reply
  24. Pat Avatar
    Pat

    Dear Lynn and hurting sumites community, thank you Lynn, for sharing your heart with us. We all have or are hurting in this manner. I am sooooo sorry for your broken heart. You are so right when we are hurting one if the best ways to help easy our pain is thought blessing someone else. Boy, have I been around this mountain may times Lynn, sometimes kicking and screaming. This is what God has taught me and if it helps you that would be wonderful and give God all the Glory!! God has shown me that sometimes I can make an expectation an idle. Of how, when, and looking at every situation which occurs for that particular thing and reading into it and saying ” ok God now I know, how you are going to do this now” I put all,of my hope in that “thing” or “situation” then in God and trusting Him ( in his perfect timing and wisdom) instead I am putting my faith into reading into everything. All of this that has occurred was part of his plan to draw you and your husband closer to him. He is not sitting up there in heaven saying oh no what are we going to do now my Son. It is part of the process and he is still on the thrown and in control!!! Love you all hope you have a blessed week full of favor and blessing that your husband can’t even deny in his heart. Just keep loving your husband and washing his feet you are doing a great job!!!!

    Reply
  25. Joanne Avatar
    Joanne

    You are a sweetheart Michele. I’ll be praying for some peace and light to shine into your home. May we all hear God’s quiet still voice encouraging us in this battle to stand firm and stand tall in our love and testimonies. Keep on keepin’ on because the prize is worth it all!

    Reply
  26. Joanne Avatar
    Joanne

    “An expectation an idle.”
    Interesting Pat! Maybe it’s time to quit convincing, suggesting, pointing out, demonstrating…maybe it’s time to just enjoy and love our relationship with Jesus in the way we know we can and just let our spouse see the powerful work God can do with/in us for our commitment to Him?

    Reply
  27. Tami H Avatar
    Tami H

    I was just talking w/a friend today about just when I think my husband is coming around. He says something and my hope comes crashing down and I feel we are back to square one again. This is message is quite timely. Thank you!

    Reply
  28. Joanne Avatar
    Joanne

    Praying that lots these days also Tina. Send in “back up” Lord Jesus. PLEASE! I’m tired of professing all alone here. Maybe if he hears it coming at him from other angles? I just don’t know anymore. White flag and prayers.

    Reply
  29. Teresa T Avatar
    Teresa T

    Lynn, you have such a deep feeling heart. This sensitivity is how you can discern so much from people around you,… How God speaks to you through dreams, how you can open your heart to us here. A sensitive heart loves greatly and can hurt deeply. How I wish I could comfort you.
    Think how Christ’s heart goes out to people. Some will love Him back. Some won’t. He just keeps loving. And that is our call too.
    I have never met another person in my exact situation, but take so much comfort in this community that you and Dineen lead. While I wish you did not have the hurt, I thank you for carrying your cross in a way that helps all of us.
    Love.

    Reply
  30. Teresa T Avatar
    Teresa T

    Hugs. Feeling like an alien may be a good thing in the context of not being a part of the world. Yes, let’s dig into the word and into worship.

    Reply
  31. Teresa T Avatar
    Teresa T

    Sending love to Michelle, Alisa, and Ronda.

    Reply
  32. Teresa T Avatar
    Teresa T

    PS I pray for both Mike’s every day.

    Reply
  33. Stefanie Avatar
    Stefanie

    Thanks Lynn for sharing your heart. You are truly an inspiration to me and others here! My husband is very skeptical when it comes to “spiritual” matters and had many questions about the existence of God, the reliability of the Bible, did Jesus really exist, aren’t all religions the same, etc. I discovered a lot of men have these same questions and until they find some reasonable answers, it hinders their belief in God and salvation through Jesus only. The following books have been extremely useful to me in trying to answer some of my husband’s questions. I also encouraged him to read them for himself.
    Josh McDowell – Answers to Tough Questions Skeptics ask about the Christian Faith
    Lee Strobel – The Case for Faith, The Case for Christ, The Case for a Creator.
    These men share how they came to faith in Christ based on all the evidence they found that answered their questions. I would encourage everyone whose husbands are skeptical about these matters to get them to read the above books.
    My husband is no longer a skeptic and he is still not a Christian because he believes he needs to work his way into heaven instead of depending on Jesus only. But, I praise God that my relationship to Him is growing because of my husband’s unbelief. The following verse given to me by my sponsered child in El Salvador is helping me through all this: Joshua 1:9 – “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and coureagous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
    Lots of blessings and love to you, Lynn!

    Reply
  34. Elssie Avatar
    Elssie

    Hi Lynn,
    You are truly a woman after God’s own heart. reading what you shared has not only encouraged me but also confirmed what God is saying to me. He is God and salvation belongs to Him. One day in His timing, He will bring salvation to our husbands. Even when the going gets really tough, we need to keep praying and focus on God.
    Thank you for standing in the gap for so many of us. Thank you for teaching me through your lesson. May Our Lord Jesus Christ bless you greatly in every-way , always.
    Elssie

    Reply
  35. Lindsey Avatar
    Lindsey

    Lynn – I can totally relate to what you posted. It can be so painful when reality doesn’t match our expectations. I keep telling myself ‘God is working’ to stop me going mad!
    Thank you for all the prayers, posts and encouragement you and the SUMite community give. We mustn’t give up hope otherwise the enemy is laughing – God is good no matter how things appear. Chin up as we say In England! And let’s fight the battle with our prayers to bring our loved ones back to the Father.
    Linds x

    Reply
  36. Esi Avatar
    Esi

    Thank you Lynn for this very sincere post and to everyone who has also shared your heart. The fact that the post resonates with so many of us is testimony that our experience is an on-going one and I agree with everyone that the key solution is our on-going connectedness with our maker. I don’t know which is easier, having a husband who regularly goes to church but does not have a personal relationship with Jesus (which is my situation) or a husband who is a self-professed unbeliever. Imagine how my hear sinks when I hear an inspiring message from the pulpit and I want to have an animated discussion with my husband about it and all I get is some flippant response at best or a quick change of subject. I relate with what Lynn says about not being able to have true intimacy with our spouses because of the differences in how we perceive Christ and our relationship with Him. I find that whenever I try to tone down on spiritual things so I can be more on level with my husband the more desolate and exhausted I feel until I run back to God’s word..The Spirit is sometimes relentless in tugging at my heart to restore fellowship with the Father…then I feel better within myself and actually respond better to my husband…It’s amazing, the thing that my husband doesn’t pay any attention to, is actually what is helping our marriage by keeping his wife centred what matters to God and not going the way of her flesh. It is hard to think that this battle is far from over but as so many others have said all we can truly do is trust in our God who loves us dearly and is working all things out for our good. So this mountain we are climbing will hopefully build our spiritual muscles and we will not be defeated. Thank God for this wonderful community..and yes it is definitely good to know that others are in the same boat as myself and am so very much encouraged by everyone’s faith. Thank you SUMite community.

    Reply
  37. Bev Avatar
    Bev

    Lynn, I’m holding you close and crying to our Abba Father for the hurt you are feeling. I cannot even imagine what it must be like to be convinced that my husband is coming closer to faith in Jesus and then have that hope taken away. As I read what you wrote today I am ashamed to admit to this community, and most significantly to my Jesus, that I have lost or at least “buried” some of my desperation for my husband to know Christ. For several years he almost begrudgingly attended Sunday services 2 or 3 times a year, as a favor to me. This past year he has completely stopped even that. I don’t know why. When I think about it my heart breaks, so I find myself turning off the thoughts…just kind of going thru the motions. My prayer each day is that God will break my heart for the lost and that He will use me as His hands and feet to serve those in need. More and more doors of ministry are opening. But right here in my own home I have failed.
    Lord Jesus, I am so unworthy to serve you. Forgive me for being complacent. Please fill my heart again with urgency and desire for my sweet husband to know You. Do not let me harden my heart toward him. Help me to love him as he is. Fill my heart with a new craving for You. And for my husband. Be close to my summite sisters and give them strength for today. Please Please be close to Lynn in her pain. We don’t feel mu h like conquerors right now so remind us that You have a great plan for us and it is unfolding according to Your perfect timing. And a plan for our spouses hearts, also. You are holy and worthy and Your Word is true. Amen.

    Reply
  38. Susan Avatar
    Susan

    Yes Dear sumite sistah’s I too reach out my hand so that we can all link arms and create that bold shield of faith together. Our Pain is real, and Jesus knows it, He feels it, Shares it, and loves us thru it. Finding you all has meant that I am not crazy, that this spiritual battle is real. I am not imagining any of it. Knowing you are all out there lifts me up out of my spiral so that I can reach up to our Abba Father and sit in his lap when my tears and pain are more than I can handle. Knowing you are out there helps me remember to not let anger, sorrow, or pity engulf my spirit so that I can not love and reach out to others. It helps me remember that in this crucible of marriage God is molding and shaping me. Pruning and shaping really hurts, but the beauty of knowing it is His hands shaping me and not the enemy is amazing.
    Thank you all for being out there and for being real
    love you all
    Susan

    Reply
  39. Susan Avatar
    Susan

    I also do not want to forget Sumite Brothers. Forgive me for forgetting this is not just a sistah sorrow

    Reply
  40. Laura Avatar
    Laura

    Lynn – I’m so sorry. That’s so difficult to deal with when hopes are dashed by reality. Hope is such a wonderful thing, but the opposite is devastating. I’ll be praying for you (and your husband). You are such an inspiration to us all – to be able to find that silver lining and still keep believing. The questioning just shows your close relationship with God and your ability to be faithful when Satan is battling you. My struggle is a bit different – my husband believes (I think) and goes to church every week, but our spiritual relationship is not really part of our marriage. We rarely talk about it and we are definitely in different places in our spiritual walk. Thank you for your ministry – you are a blessing. God is using your struggles to help others. Thank you for persevering! Love you! Hugs! Laura

    Reply
  41. Joanne Avatar
    Joanne

    You’re right Lindsey! NEVER give up HOPE! 🙂

    Reply
  42. Joanne Avatar
    Joanne

    You are so right Stephanie on the fact that a lot of people think they just need to live a good life and they’ll get into heaven. They’re totally missing that rejecting Jesus is the key to getting there??? I ask…if you believe in heaven then how can you NOT accept Jesus? ARGH! I don’t get it??

    Reply
  43. Audrey Avatar
    Audrey

    Thank you Lynn. I’m not an elequoent person, so my words wont be as beautiful as the other messages, but my heart is with you. And I want you to know how much more difficult the last 2 years in my marriage would have been without your ministry. You constantly inspire and encourage me, and stir my faith.

    Reply
  44. Joanne Avatar
    Joanne

    Beautifully said Esi. It truly feels for me like I live with the door open to Spiritual Warfare. I feel God is telling me to buckle down and pray for increased protection over my home so I have His strength and dominion over all that isn’t of God in this house!

    Reply
  45. Joanne Avatar
    Joanne

    I am so thankful for this community and to know we all are prayed up by one another here. In this battle we truly do need our SUMites to strengthen one another in Jesus name. I roll out of bed each morning now starting with Jesus…Jesus…Jesus…

    Reply
  46. Jenn Avatar
    Jenn

    So thankful and blessed by your blog and the ladies comments have provided me with hope.

    Reply
  47. Jodie Avatar
    Jodie

    Hurting for you, Lynn, but blessed by your messag eof hope and courage, thank you

    Reply
  48. Gabrielle Avatar
    Gabrielle

    Thank you for your message it was truly a blessing

    Reply
  49. Jody J Avatar
    Jody J

    Thank you Lynn. I am struggling to hear God’s voice since my divorce and move. A pastor here believes God promised to “cover” my marriage …not save it…that I misunderstood. What does all this mean when I hold onto hope that someday God will reach my husband and he will find me here waiting for him and restoration of our life? I am asking God to renew my mind and replace my thoughts with His thoughts and hopes and dreams for my future. I even struggle to use “ex-husband”. We have no contact and I need to trust more…listen more…love more…and stay faithful to God. Never lose hope and remember LOVE is the greatest of these!

    Reply
  50. Kathleen Bandaruk Avatar
    Kathleen Bandaruk

    Dear Lynn,
    Thank you for sharing your personal story. I will pray for you and your husband; specifically for peace for you that God is really in charge here-not satan, no matter how hard it gets! And as one of the readers above said, it’s always darkest before the dawn which I truly believe in my own UEM. Blessings to you-your openness has helped so many women and men who are going through the same thing. I firmly believe He has put us in these marriages to “pray them through”. And I always reiterate this in my own situation; “As for me and my house, we WILL serve the Lord!”
    It’s in God’s timing, not ours. Hang in there, sister. 🙂

    Reply
  51. Beth A Avatar
    Beth A

    Precious LORD, hold Lynn close today. Allow her to feel Your love surrounding her, sustaining her faith, and drawing her closer to You. Encourage her heart and give her JOY in Your presence – for the joy of the LORD is our strength! Thank You for being the God of compassion and all comfort. Thank You for the encouraging truth that You know exactly how we feel – having come to those You created and loved – and having them reject You. Thank You for giving us HOPE in You alone, not what we can see with our eyes. Make us more like You, Jesus. I ask in Your powerful name.

    Reply
  52. Mary Silva Avatar
    Mary Silva

    Praying earnestly for you, recently went through a similar situation in my relationship. Then our Lord spoke to me like only He can. He (and consequently we) was sent to reach the lost sinners, to love them like only He can. Hope is a wonderful thing that we must hold on to, however, we don’t see the whole plan and picture, so we must be sure not to expect or demand what we hope for. John 16:33 tells us that we will have tribulations, but that we can rejoice because He HAS overcome the world. 2Cor 12:8-10, John 16:33, Rom 8:28. These all tell us that we will have trials and tribulations but to go through them is our path. There is unfortunately no promise of an easy life, only a joyful one. So today I am cautiously hopeful, but fiercely joyful. whole

    Reply
  53. tammy b Avatar
    tammy b

    in the same place but my kids don’t believe either………
    tammy

    Reply
  54. Rosemarie Avatar
    Rosemarie

    Good Morning!
    Like all of you, I am on the roller coaster of pain and disappointment and it makes me sick to my stomach. Really, I have had physical reactions in addition to crying my eyes out. But, I have also had the most incredible moments of peace and joy has filled my heart that could only come from My Abba Father. He gives us those moments because He sees all we deal with and He knows when to give us the strength to carry on. I’ve been trying to escape from this marriage for 16 years. Just last week, I tried to devise a plan to get away from him for 10 days but the Lord brought me back. I’m not going anywhere. The Lord won’t let me because He has His plan and I stay kicking and screaming. When I’m done having my hissy fit, I thank the Lord for giving me grace and mercy. I praise and thank Him for loving me and for his patience. This Sumite community has been incredible and it saddens me to see all these beautiful spirit filled women in pain. But, our love for the Lord and our walk with Him gives us the incredible gift of sharing and being transparent so we can encourage others. I close my eyes and imagine a huge group hug with all of you! Ahhh, there I feel so much better.

    Reply
  55. Julie Farris Avatar
    Julie Farris

    I just love how God blesses with words of encouragement. This is so what I needed to hear this morning going through this struggle is so not easy, but this really helped me in dealing with the hurt and disappointment Im going through right now. Please include me in your prayer today as well I will lift you in mine as well.

    Reply
  56. Brenda Avatar
    Brenda

    Thank you so much for being transparent, Lynn. One of the hardest things in this unequally yoked walk for me is the (unrealistic) perception that every other family has it “together” and I’m the only one who does not. Reading the comments, I’m struck by how many others experience the things I experience daily: the alcoholism and the odd reaction when he attends church – that angry stance – which seems to be such a common theme here. It seems to me this is such spiritual warfare. Satan does not like it that we’re fighting for our spouses, does he? It’s always struck me as odd how when my kids are in some program at the church, like the VBS program a few weeks ago, and unbelievers from the community come and and just enjoy the heck out of it. You would think he would want to see that…they grow up so quickly and they’re so sweet up there. But my husband refuses to even come and watch his own kids, and on the rare occasions he does come it’s like I’ve forced him to come to his own execution. He’s so angry and out of place and it makes me so desperately sad, but mostly for him, and a little bit for the kids who want him to be there so bad. Makes me cry just typing this. Thank you for the unconditional support this site always provides. I love you ladies, and think of this group daily even though I don’t comment daily.

    Reply
  57. Karla Avatar
    Karla

    AMEN!

    Reply
  58. Malinn Saxe Avatar
    Malinn Saxe

    Lynn, I felt so very sad for your disappointment! I know the feeling of LONGING FOR SPIRITUAL INTIMACY with your husband! I pray that the Lord would surround you with His loving arms, and continue to allow you to grieve My prayers are that the Holy Spirit would woo your husband in every way possible!
    Love in Him,
    Malinn Saxe

    Reply
  59. kim Avatar
    kim

    My pastor made the comment in church Sunday that sometimes when u go thru difficulties in life to think of it as” God trusts u enough to go thru the difficulty but know that He is always there with you even when others aren’t & He knows what u can handle & when u need to turn to Him, He will be the One that is always there.

    Reply
  60. Gillian Avatar
    Gillian

    Lynn, you were on my mind this morning and I feel led to say that it may not be what it seems… I am reminded of how the enemy can twist the words we hear out of others mouths for example, or even if he really did say whatever he said that professed great unbelief, if he’s wrestling with things it could be that he said something that at least deep down he didn’t mean. God wants you to know things aren’t as bad as they may seem, you and anyone else who needs this. <3

    Reply
  61. GeGe Avatar
    GeGe

    Lynn & all Sumites, I relate to all the pain each of us has shared. I know that God does also, but only he knows the final outcome. It is hard to put on that smile at times when going to church as our church is mostly married couples – which is really great praise the Lord!! – the way it is meant to be. I do know the pain of being alone & seeing the other single women/men around me, lately it has been bothering me more that it should – the enemy. I think I know how Hagar felt, but God was there for her — praying that same spirit would comfort each of us & continue to give us hope.
    This verse helped me yesterday & really spoke into my life:
    Isa 40:31
    But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.
    They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
    They run and don’t get tired,
    they walk and don’t lag behind.
    Praying this verse over each one here
    Love in Christ

    Reply
  62. RayLynn Avatar
    RayLynn

    Lynn – I know how you are going through. I was in the same situation as you described where my husband attended Church with me and then later say mean things about God and saying that he will never believe in God. At that moment, I was in pain and God too was also hurting. All I did was keep hanging on to Jesus and praying. After a few months, God had answered my prayer. My husband accepted Jesus through a circumstance which is really long to say here. But God used the circumstance of my husband’s situation for him to turn to Jesus. I realized that God makes a way when there seems to be no way in our human eyes. Before he was saved, I would lay hands and put annointing oil on every items that my husband own (from his shoes, the pillow he sleeps on, his keys, his clothes…) When he’s sleeping, I lay hands and start praying over him. When I’m tithing, I would note a seed for my husband’s salvation. I believe God is hearing your prayers and in due time your husband will be saved. I encourage you to keep praying and believing for your husband’s salvation.

    Reply
  63. Pat Avatar
    Pat

    Amen sister you said that beautifully!! I agree that is were our power comes from. Xoxo

    Reply
  64. Jennifer B Avatar
    Jennifer B

    My precious friend Lynn,
    I am lifting you a nd your husband up this very moment to Almighty God. It is a very lonely place to be in a SUM but just as you said we can draw closer to our Lord. My heart hurts for you in this moment but we story is not over. God will do everthing in his power for your husband to see the truth. I am sending big hugs to you.
    Last night I had a friend and her husband come pick me up and drive me over to th e apartments where my 17 year old daughter is living. She is living with Satianists and wants nothing to do with us. I asked my huband if he would come with us so we can pray aganist this evil. He woul not. Six months ago he had come back to Christ but hasn’t changed at all. I know your pain my dear friend. We will not give up hope!

    Reply
  65. Vicki Avatar
    Vicki

    Lynn and the entire community, I relate to your pain and frustration. I recently joined this community after feeling so alone in my faith after marrying a a wonderful man who is not a believer. I have found I am not alone and others understand my pain and frustration, as we do now with you, Lynn. We have all been there and probably will again. Satan wants us to feel pain, frustration, disappointment and defeat because then we give up living out our faith in front of our husbands. But the only one who is defeated is Satan! I know it is so hard to remember in times like this but Matthew 19:25-26 reminds us that even though we think our husbands coming to faith is impossible, with God All things are possible! As a friend recently reminded me, God is ALWAYS working, even when we don’t see it. God loves our husbands far more than we ever could and with an unconditional love that is hard for us to have. He won’t ever give up and it will happen in His timing (even though we wish He would “hurry up!”) We all need to hang on to God and trust Him, even though it is hard to do sometimes. With much love and prayers for all my co-SUMites…

    Reply
  66. Joanne Avatar
    Joanne

    The last shall be first and the first shall be last, right Vicki? So many things we have to remember through and past the fact our spouses reject Jesus which stings our souls and has us worry for their’s but in the end…it’s not in our hands.

    Reply
  67. Joanne Avatar
    Joanne

    I’m praying for light in your daughter’s life Jennifer!! Jesus let these followers of satan bring up just 1 think that strikes against what Jennifer’s daughter loves and let that be the saving grace for her to leave that darkness. Amen

    Reply
  68. Joanne Avatar
    Joanne

    So encouraging RayLynn! Love your suggestions. Makes me realize I need to act MORE in these examples you shared!!

    Reply
  69. Joanne Avatar
    Joanne

    I sure appreciated these words Gil! Thank you for hearing and sharing God’s Word….love you my fellow “alien talker!” ((HUG))

    Reply
  70. StephC Avatar
    StephC

    Please pray for me.

    Reply
  71. Gillian Avatar
    Gillian

    🙂

    Reply
  72. Karla Avatar
    Karla

    Lord, I pray for StephC; I don’t know her circumtances, but you do Almighty God. Wrap your loving arms around her and give her Your strength to carry on and grant her Your peace. In the name of Jesus Christ and in the power of the Holy Spirit, Amen.

    Reply
  73. Joanne Avatar
    Joanne

    I am praying too StephC…in case you come back to check in. Feel Him close as you meditate on His love and peace. Only He can truly comfort and strengthen.

    Reply
  74. Gillian Avatar
    Gillian

    Hmmmm.. I can relate to putting my faith into reading into things… But I’m learning through experience that when it comes to big things, I’m usually right, like the times when I feel a certain calling to action… But I am coming also to see that it’s no one of these callings that’s going to decide things but really the big picture of the puzzle pieces all fitting together…

    Reply
  75. Gillian Avatar
    Gillian

    And that even of He is calling me, I have to let Him work out both the details AND the timing…

    Reply
  76. Gillian Avatar
    Gillian

    Beautifully said Theresa!!

    Reply
  77. Gillian Avatar
    Gillian

    Hmm… To speak up for unbelievers lol, I know even after I discovered God and started praying, I took a long LONG time to discover and understand this truth! 🙂 I think It’s just so counterintuitive to our human nature, to want to prove ourselves…

    Reply
  78. Gillian Avatar
    Gillian

    “The Spirit is sometimes relentless in tugging at my heart to restore fellowship with the Father…then I feel better within myself and actually respond better to my husband…It’s amazing, the thing that my husband doesn’t pay any attention to, is actually what is helping our marriage by keeping his wife centred what matters to God and not going the way of her flesh.”
    Yes! And also, amazing how He uses our unbelievers to grow us more and more into His likeness as well!

    Reply
  79. Cheryl Avatar
    Cheryl

    Just saw this post today, and I can relate completely. What hurts even more is when I see my teenage son starting down that same road…and there’s nothing I can do about it. Thanks for sharing, it helps to know you’re not alone.

    Reply
  80. ruth Avatar
    ruth

    I haven’t been reading the Blog lately because for some reason I don’t want my husband to see it on the computer. I think he would get mad. I don’t know. Today though, reading your entry was timely. Thank you and Dineen for all you do and how you teach and share with us. I will pray for you. Also want to share a devotional book my sister gave me called “Jesus Calling.” It’s very good and it seems as if he is speaking directly to me.
    Prayfully,
    Ruth

    Reply
  81. Danielle Avatar
    Danielle

    This was a right on time message! Thank you! You are in my prayers.

    Reply
  82. Gillian Avatar
    Gillian

    Oh Jody, you are so strong to contine to trust as you walk through this! Hang in there 🙂 and You can trust in what you know God spoke to Your heart, trust that indeed the Holy Spirit is speaking to you (“Then listen. You may “hear” a short phrase or see just a word in your mind’s eye. Whatever you sense, hold onto it. Trust that the Holy Spirit is speaking to you”.)

    Reply
  83. Gillian Avatar
    Gillian

    Beautiful. Standing with you also in prayer for these young people. May the light of Christ deliver all of them from darkness.

    Reply
  84. Dineen Miller Avatar
    Dineen Miller

    Thank you so much, Teresa! That speaks to my heart so dearly tonight. The gap of differences between us sure seems bigger than it ever has. Just simple conversations are a challenge to find things in common to talk about. Time to pray! Hugging you, my friend. 🙂

    Reply
  85. Lisa Avatar
    Lisa

    I have agree with Heather here Lynn … and I’d like to take this a step further by saying the battle is in the spiritual realm … not against flesh and blood (Eph 6:10-12)… I believe the enemy used Mike’s mouth to discourage you. Keep believing and you will see the Glory of God in your family’s life (John 11:40) Love you sis xox

    Reply
  86. Lisa Avatar
    Lisa

    AMEN RayLynn 🙂 John 11:40 “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?”

    Reply
  87. Lisa Avatar
    Lisa

    Thanks for your transparency Lynn… I just wanted to share something that God placed on my heart a few weeks ago. He told me to stop looking at things in the natural….the battle here is in the spiritual realm…this is not a battle with my husband (against flesh and blood) but rather against the kingdom of darkness. (Eph 6:10-12) Satan uses my husband’s words and actions to discourage me but I now understand Satan’s tricks… I have began commanding evil spirits (religiosity, strife, greed, anger, mammon) to leave my husband and really taking authority in the name of Jesus (in addition to speaking the promises of God over our lives). The first day I did this my husband came to bed that night and wanted to make love…the first time in months. I was totally blown away! The Word says we must keep believing if we are going to see the glory of God (John 11:40)… We must not let the enemy put lies in your head by our circumstances but rather keep your eyes on Jesus since his Word says we are more than conquerors and that we are already victorious in HIM 🙂

    Reply
  88. Donna Avatar
    Donna

    All I can say is WOW! I am so happy to be here. Every post resonates with me! I too live on the alcoholic unsaved husband roller coaster. It’s so nice to know I’m not alone anymore! Donna

    Reply
  89. ~Rebecca Avatar
    ~Rebecca

    So true that its the enemy using our loved ones…difficult to keep that truth in mind while in the heat of battle. And thats what it is…a battle. This thought often is daunting to me-but thank our God for the help of the Holy Spirit who will so kindly whisper to me bits of verses when I’m feeling crushed and run down: “more than conquerors; Cheer up for I have overcome the world!; run & not grow weary-mount up on eagles wings; a peace that passes all understanding”
    The battle rages ladies-but we in Jesus Christ win the war!! Thanks to all the women who lift each of their fellow Unequals in prayer-please continue to pray for strength for each of us and salvation for our spouses & I will do the same.
    “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of POWER,of LOVE and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.” II Timothy 1:7 AMP

    Reply
  90. Martha Bush Avatar
    Martha Bush

    Gail, I so relate to your statement: Even as much as I longed for James to walk in faith along side me I had to make sure I took care of Gail.
    I remember “waiting” for Glen to come with me to accept Jesus
    I remember “waiting” for certain periods of time after my salvation that he would accept Jesus before our girls left home.
    I remember “waiting” for him to not criticize my faith.
    But like you said, there came a time I had to take care of me, and leave him in God’s hands. Sometimes, I actually think that their pride and stance against God is really directed at us more personally than God. It is like, “I’ve made my prideful stand in front of my wife and children, I can’t back down now.” At least that is how I view my husband sometimes – -he can’t be wrong.
    But, God is in control, and I believe His promises are true, and all the prophetic words that I have received about my husband and how God will use him. And so, the “wait” is now on God, not my husband. But, how I do recognize Lynn’s pain and hurt, and all the others when we have days that we feel like this is the day he will walk down the aisle.

    Reply

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